Lebron James makes a ton of money playing basketball and Stacey thinks that's insane...
Stacey has no memory of any of the questions she has asked in any of the podcasts and Brian keeps buying tickets for amazing events that they end up not going to or forgetting to go...
Questions range from how they make each other feel appreciated, what they do right in the relationship and are they even listening to each other when they are talking...
Brian & Stacey both share the hardest goodbye they've ever made...
The Broken Tiles Review is in for "Couples Therapy" on Showtime.
Lebron James makes a ton of money playing basketball and Stacey thinks that's insane...
Stacey has no memory of any of the questions she has asked in any of the podcasts and Brian keeps buying tickets for amazing events that they end up not going to or forgetting to go...
Questions range from how they make each other feel appreciated, what they do right in the relationship and are they even listening to each other when they are talking...
Brian & Stacey both share the hardest goodbye they've ever made...
The Broken Tiles Review is in for "Couples Therapy" on Showtime.
Now we're on those are going to be
Stacey Upton:welcome to the broken tiles podcast with Brian and Stacey.
Brian Upton:That's us.
Stacey Upton:We're back again.
Brian Upton:Sort of on time,
Stacey Upton:sort of not too far off.
Brian Upton:Are you going to be cranky?
Stacey Upton:No. I might be. My neck hurts.
Unknown:And you're tired. I am.
Stacey Upton:But that's okay. long week. Yeah. It was a long week. But it's almost over and we have a fun weekend ahead of us. You know, had a good week.
Brian Upton:He'll Lebron James.
Stacey Upton:Oh, I did not know that. Tell me more.
Brian Upton:How much do you think you would charge somebody for a year of playing but no, you don't make let's make it easier for two years of playing basketball. What would you feel comfortable charging somebody for that or judging them or paying them paying them? Well, you'd be charging them for your service in the end, negotiating your fee for playing and they would pay you
Stacey Upton:all right. I can't even imagine I know it's going to be a number. I couldn't possibly conceivable blue the warmer colder game. Okay. 7 million. Oh.
Brian Upton:North Dakota in February
Stacey Upton:10 million. For two years. We're talking two years.
Brian Upton:Yeah. North Dakota in February
Unknown:20 million. North
Brian Upton:Dakota in February.
Stacey Upton:60 million.
Brian Upton:Okay, now we are into upstate New York. November
Stacey Upton:100.
Brian Upton:Now you're hot. Now you're too hot. Now you're the Bahamas. 100%. Humidity. 100 degrees. Okay.
Stacey Upton:80.
Brian Upton:Super warm. 90 $97.1 million for two years of basketball. That's insane.
Stacey Upton:I mean, I know the person is super talented. It's about what we mathlete
Brian Upton:landscaping and health educator have the Health Education Manager.
Stacey Upton:No, we don't make that. No. Nowhere near
Brian Upton:perspective. Yeah. Okay. He is really good at what he does. He is I didn't expect that this year. I took none.
Stacey Upton:wildcards, we are getting down. Hi.
Brian Upton:I hope you have a question.
Stacey Upton:I do. We're starting with our intelligent change. Let's get closer gain. The first level called close. What is something you would like us to do together? That we haven't already? You've
Unknown:asked that question. Man. I told
Stacey Upton:you I couldn't tell
Brian Upton:you. Oh, that's outrageous, because that was the salsa dancing.
Stacey Upton:Okay, you are your neck sore, tired, cranky off your game? Well, I did tell you I wasn't certain about these. This one. I think we may have asked. Wow. Well, they had somehow got mixed up. Right. How have I changed since we first met? Did we do that one? Yeah. All righty. I'm gonna pull from the middle. I think this is new. When was the last time I made you feel appreciated?
Brian Upton:Good one. That's a good one. I think we're in a groove right now broadening it out for a second on the question, the intention? And why that question might lead to a positive conversation for a relationship. Yeah. And so from a standpoint, I kind of defer to you on this one, at least to get the ball rolling on it. A question like that within the context of a relationship, whether it's asked during a game or you know, on a couch? What's your thoughts on that as far as how that might be productive?
Stacey Upton:Well, I think sometimes we take for granted that our partner or whoever were in a relationship with of any kind, we just take for granted that they know that we appreciate what they do or who they are or how they behave. And we don't always say it, we don't always express it. And it also makes me think about our love languages. You know, words of affirmation. certain gifts, touch all of those different things tell our partner or or whoever we're in a relationship with. It expresses that sense of appreciation. And again, we all have different love languages. So you may be expressing it in one way, but they're not reading that, right? So it's very proactive, I think, if you can intentionally work to make that other person feel appreciated, and
Brian Upton:it's probably not the worst practice to sort of continue regurgitating or letting kind of float in your general psyche of the day. Not necessarily, what are you looking for? And what were you necessarily, you know, that you're not overwhelmingly looking for appreciation, you're not looking for that part of it. But it might be a decent practice to use, you know, to kind of stay connected.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, and I mean, if you can really extrapolate a little bit and, and realize that feeling appreciated, feels loved, right. And that's important, right? We have some clicking going on in the background. Zuki is not wanting to be still
Brian Upton:it's a freight train of clicking right now.
Stacey Upton:I know when she picked up a toy, and she's being really playful and puppy.
Brian Upton:So when was last time you felt appreciated?
Stacey Upton:I thought I asked you first did you answer it?
Brian Upton:You know, the drill?
Stacey Upton:Oh, do I have to let you think of your answer
Brian Upton:when I'm confused.
Stacey Upton:Oh, hi. See, I
Brian Upton:see. If I've got an answer off the top of my head.
Stacey Upton:I can tell you right now. Okay. I felt appreciated by the fantastic dinner that you made for us tonight.
Brian Upton:That's so you know, I'm not gonna count it. Why? That because it just happened like 13 minutes ago.
Stacey Upton:But it did make me feel appreciated.
Brian Upton:Now, like goes to the coffee in the morning sort of vibe, that it all counts.
Stacey Upton:It does all count those those little acts of kindness, see acts of service. That's my love language. So that's why it works for
Brian Upton:me. And it is I think I'm making fun of you a little bit. Because I think one instinct is to sometimes overthink these questions when the answer is just sort of like, what is the answer to that the one where I felt appreciated was the other day, I think you sort of were in Carlsbad, which we should do a little catch up on that Tuesday. That was kind of a fun trip for you. And I think you got stuck a little bit and you know, asked for some help with something at your office here. And I just rescheduled the meeting and kind of ran home and just think just logged on to your email or something like that. And it was it was, I think you were thankful that I just busted over. And you're right, did that little bit of help for you?
Stacey Upton:It was really important at that moment. And it it was incredibly helpful. Good. So what did I do that made you feel appreciated, though? What did I say? Oh, just
Brian Upton:the aftermath of it. I think the next day you came and went, and there was not much to it. But I think it was either maybe it was even two days later, you brought it up. And you're like, you know, by the way that on Tuesday or Monday or whatever it was was super helpful. And I hadn't thought much of it. Yeah. And so that was that was one that that sticks out to me. And there's some bigger ones where, you know, I think of the trips that we've taken, and I think about even going back east to see my mom with my brother. And I think in some smaller conversations. I feel appreciated by you in the context of talking about those emotions and all of that going on. As we said before the pockets my dad passed away in January. Families are complex. There's a lot of different things going on. And it was just an emotional weekend with my brother older brother Todd men, my mom overwhelmingly great, but a lot. It's a weird thing to point to but I did feel appreciated in some of our conversations on the after with you. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad
Unknown:about Carlsbad. Well, Carlsbad is
Stacey Upton:beautiful and it's quite a bit warmer there than it is here. So watersports were more accessible. A lot of fun. We went kayaking, paddleboarding, and we did a mystery picnic. Oh, if anybody ever has the opportunity to do that, I encourage you to do it. Google it. It's a scam In your hunt, of sorts, and you bring your own bag to carry the food that you pick up, you solve little puzzles, and it leads you to the next shop or restaurant and whatever it might be, and you pick up components for a meal, and then it takes you to a spot for a picnic, and it is so much fun.
Brian Upton:You've been giving those out as gifts.
Stacey Upton:I know I have, maybe we should ask them to be a sponsor.
Brian Upton:I don't even know what the name of the company is amazing. CO boom, they're a sponsor?
Stacey Upton:Maybe. So we'll have to see.
Brian Upton:After the first do we get both ways? I think we got it covered, right? Yes, we did. So want to talk a little bit about the Not to belabor it, but the podcast has moved on. And we qualified through Apple and Buzzsprout, who's our server for monetized ads, which will drop in I think we kind of have to warn people not warn them so much. But explain when they hear this, because we don't have control over that as much. We approve the ads that we do that when they're good fits for the podcast. But once they're approved, they use an algorithm to drop a 32nd ad into our show. And it's monetized on the other side. And we only say that because it might seem strange after listening to the podcast for seven or eight episodes. And so I'm going to play the song that will play when the ads coming because I think you and I decided we're not going to use voices, it's just going to play this song, which I hope we can hear. Is it
Stacey Upton:there you go. And then it'll play an ad
Brian Upton:15 seconds or a 32nd ad that we've approved. And it's kind of you know, it's their simple little ads, like the one we chose this week is reality life with Casey and we'll play the ad real quick, just so they can know. Hi, I'm an unscripted TV expert three times a week, and that'll be an internal play on for 1530 seconds. And and so that's just a little announcement, as far as you know, things that might be happening in the podcast that are something different
Unknown:something different.
Stacey Upton:Okay, question number two. I don't think I've asked this before. But you can tell me. What do I do right in our relationship? Interesting. Why do you think this is an important question? Well,
Brian Upton:it's actually part of our review today. And I'll get to that later. Not a big spoiler. But I think when you're in a relationship, and particularly as time goes on, let me put it this way, when we first start dating, and I met you, there might have been a lot more open conversations about things might not have said it in that term. This is what you do, right to ask that question. But you would have felt that overall affirmation of some of the things I would have said to you, and my gut feeling as as time goes on kid's life, Brian? I don't think it said as much.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, I think you're right.
Brian Upton:I just don't think I think it it fades a little bit into the sort of ether of I don't even know why that happens. Is it? Is it. complacency?
Stacey Upton:Yeah, I think that's a good word for it. I was gonna say, you know, we take each other for granted at times.
Brian Upton:For long swaths of time. Yeah,
Stacey Upton:and I would say it definitely happened. You know, when we were really in, in the grunt work of, of raising kids. And there are phases, or seasons in, in our lives together, where things are just harder, stressful, you know, my dad was ill and, and died of COVID. And that was a really hard time. And just the aftermath of it. It was really long and drawn out those. It was a hard time. So very likely, I didn't mention anything of what you did, right? I have no idea because it's kind of a blur. And then when your dad passed another season, that was really stressful.
Brian Upton:I lean towards the thought of my everyday life. And how much more inclined I would be to tell nearly a perfect stranger, a compliment or something they might be doing right or a business associate. Right. Then my own one even. And for that matter, to be honest raising kids, it's probably not the correct percentage overall of reaffirmation of what they might be doing right? The grounding or something like that might really elevate a 30 day grounding, for instance, meaning how you were delegating, parenting, parenting and emoting in emoting that, that almost like this little soundboard we have right now. So the rights might be a one, two or three volume, but the wrongs, maybe we played like an eight or a nine, and it comes in very loud and hard. And that's, that's sort of memorable. And it's always I'm getting into the high weeds here. But it's where it's where I take that question is, I'm going to answer it, but right now I'm starting to think about shit. I'm probably much nicer overall, with that particular category to randoms, that I would have been or are to you.
Stacey Upton:Well, I wouldn't say that you're not nice, but I definitely understand what you're saying.
Brian Upton:I mean, on this question, yeah, this question where you kind of do those extra 367 words put together the right way to make somebody feel like they did something, right. Yes. It's a huge difference. This direct question is much different than Thanks, Babe for dinner, or Yeah, that was a great, that's much different. Because what this question asked is like, tell me a little more about why that was? Why was that great? Yes. What was great about that? And what do I then you know, if this question was, what do I do most right.
Stacey Upton:Now, it's, what do I do? Right in our relationship?
Brian Upton:I guess it's time to answer it. I think what you do most, right, in our relationship, is you quarterback, the direct communication for you and I unlikely for our family. You are the we talked about a little bit, either last podcast or the one before and it's not repeating it? It's not the same question all but what I think I've given you compliments before on is your ability to communicate, and not ability as much as your commitment to do it. And you might run into walls. And that's where we got into it last week, which was the name of the episode, which is, you know, we were slow processor. I'm just pissed. But even in slow processing, you're trying to communicate and get people to communicate their feelings? Yeah. So I would say overwhelmingly, you know, if one comes to my head, that is one thing you do. That's right.
Stacey Upton:That's really kind. Thank you.
Brian Upton:So I checked two boxes there.
Unknown:Yeah, you did.
Brian Upton:I told you what you do. Right. And I don't even know. But so I feel appreciated.
Stacey Upton:Monitor roll? You are. So for my answer, I want to say my answer, but then I want to go back to something you were saying before about how sometimes when we're parenting, we focus on the negative more than the positive. Right? Okay, so my answer? My answer is, what you do right. In our relationship is more about what you do. Right? And how you live your life. And what I see is you like to use the term front face. Yeah. And so what that really means is, you like to address something head on in the moment when it's time.
Brian Upton:So we like the same thing about each other. I guess I'm a little bit.
Stacey Upton:I wouldn't say that it could because sometimes. I don't know that. When you communicate it. It's always smooth. Oh, me. We are saying the same thing, aren't we?
Brian Upton:And I'm surprised. Yeah, I'm sure we don't feel that at all overwhelmingly about myself.
Stacey Upton:It's been you've been spot on with this, especially recently. No, I
Brian Upton:agree with that. I agree with agree with that. As far as the trend. I'm like, it's hard not to think of your entire life. On whole.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, maybe? Well, I mean, it doesn't say that we I can't focus on something that's happening now as opposed to our over our whole relationship. In the
Brian Upton:end. It's your answer.
Stacey Upton:It is my answer. I'm just surprised by and that's
Unknown:good. Yeah. Well, I
Stacey Upton:think I think I have mentioned I really am impressed by some Have the hard conversations that you've had with people that they're hard conversations to have. And you do it in a very kind way.
Brian Upton:And I would make the argument because of possibly a lot of the things we have referenced is, I have an easier time out there. I'm better at it out there than I am in here. Nothing I'm, I think I probably come off sometimes, like, I'm just horrible about all this here. It's just, it's a, we're more of a work in progress. And here, those objects are closer than they appear. And I'm not as skilled within our relationship as I am in a business meeting, or in a in a debate about politics or sports or something like that.
Stacey Upton:Yeah. Well, there's probably more to lose here than there. You could think of it that way.
Unknown:That's true. Yeah, yeah. And some,
Stacey Upton:some couples might feel differently. Like they have more to lose in a business relationship than in their partner of their relationship with their partner. And so the I don't know. It's interesting how we we've we find our safe places, to be frank and honest. And there are other places in our life that it doesn't feel as safe. I want to get back to the part I wanted to mention. So when you were talking about parenting, it reminded me of the fact that there is a lot of research and literature that supports particularly in parenting and trying to help shape a child's behavior, especially a young child, that focusing on the positive is far more effective than the negative.
Brian Upton:Interesting. Yeah, and it just makes it's common sense. But it's so hard to get to it.
Stacey Upton:It is yeah. It's very true. Hold on, okay. This is so sad.
Brian Upton:Just just absorb it. Live in. Beautiful.
Stacey Upton:Do you want to explain why I'm sad?
Brian Upton:First, I just want to kind of let this wash over me. Chills. Lion King. Yeah, San Jose Performing Arts Center, traveling show of the Broadway production of Lion King. And we had tickets and Tuesday night. Just do it just pull the band aid
Stacey Upton:we forgot. And we didn't go.
Brian Upton:And we forgot until 9am The next morning.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, and I didn't remember at all. You brought it up. I don't know if I ever would have thought of it again.
Brian Upton:Luckily, they were cheap tickets. Yeah, could have been worse. The ones I had my eye on were 220 each one you had a friend send you a link so we only got hit for I think 138 bucks total with the fees and stuff. But oh, that's 100 We could not have been more
Stacey Upton:excited. We were super excited. That was like Taylor's first movie, Disney movie that she just adored.
Brian Upton:Yeah, I think it was the first like the first now they all make you cry now. Now a cartoon and I'm sure I'm gonna get you know, there's a different way to look at this but I think that was one of the first cartoon movies where it kind of emotionally pulled your heartstrings with talking animals animated. Yeah, which seems like a huge region up and I'm sure we'll go backwards on this like once before that that you know, the Fox and the Hound can make you cry and so again isolated but of that new sort of Disney mega production that one stuck home and it was Taylor's first sort of big
Stacey Upton:oh she watched it over and over and over again. Well that was unfortunate
Brian Upton:transition to the next you'll like this listen this from a little bit
Stacey Upton:like it I like it a lot
Brian Upton:symphonic version and right into the old one two is this just number two?
Stacey Upton:No, we're on number three. We're at the closest version now.
Brian Upton:While we're moving right along.
Stacey Upton:I'm healing hearing music still.
Brian Upton:Well, it's because it's haha. Of course it's always there. No matter how hard I think about it like right now about thinking Think about it now, but think about it.
Stacey Upton:Oh my gosh, it's like you have magic powers thinking about it as your question. I think this is an interesting question. Do you feel like I listened to you, when you're speaking with me?
Brian Upton:During this podcast, yes.
Stacey Upton:Okay, what about other times?
Brian Upton:Now I get tuned out a lot. Yeah, yeah, I get I get tuned out a lot. And I understand why. Because of the nature 32 years times. As Taylor's artist says, The Big Dick energy of all the, basically, I get on a topic and I come very, you know, strong, come strongly, they come with a ton of emotion. And, and I get that part of it. So I would say on the course of a daily event, tuned out a lot, the phones don't help scrolling on the phone can get really you can get a little bit into his own there. So this podcast is great, long drives across the Arizona desert to have overall. You know, it's, it's good. I think my overall rating would be, you know, above average, decent to Above Average.
Stacey Upton:Okay. I think that's fair. Yeah, I know, I pulled this card. And I thought on I want to ask that, right. Sorry. No, it's not great. But it's a wonderful opportunity to reflect on what's going on. Because yeah, there are times that I am consciously aware, I am tuning you out. And it's not cool.
Brian Upton:Yeah, but I think for me, I'm better than I used to be. I'm learning but I think my general style of talking we, we've hit it a few times is it's overwhelming. And
Stacey Upton:it can be not always, but it can be at time, right.
Brian Upton:And also, I do think we're coming of an age where you're definitely with Ainsley and tailor in our parenting style on hold on hold not hold on whole, is one where we really push the girls to not defer to the man in the room as far as the bully pulpit kind of concept. And we've pushed against the patriarchy without being I think, overwhelmingly obvious about it. And so one part of that, and I'm very aware of it is, when I'm on my rant, that's just a dude, like shoving his thoughts down the pipe. You I mean, and so I'm aware of that. And I think that's why I understand sometimes I'm talking to myself when I'm right. Going off.
Stacey Upton:And I think sometimes we do that. Yeah, but I probably can do better. I mean, there, I actually, more recently, have really made an effort to stop what I'm doing, and turn around and look at you, and listen to what you're saying. Because sometimes, I don't always know if it's something that maybe you've shared before. It's just a fleeting thought, or is this something that that's really important to listen to? Right, like conversation in the hot tub today? That was, I'm so glad I actually left my desk and went out to the hot tub and was engaged in talking to you because I learned a lot about your day that I had no idea was going to
Brian Upton:know where to go in the hot tub. I guess that's true. But it's like the dry bar. It's like this podcast, I think it's one of the reasons I'm more and more looking forward to the podcast each week is other than me putting some music on and you're looking at a text right now.
Stacey Upton:There's looking at the cardio and choking. The
Brian Upton:it's that sort of moment where you have 96% of the attention of the other person. And the rest of the week is just not like this.
Stacey Upton:No, it's so true. It's impossible to be actually if if I were fully engaged with you every minute when you entered that front door. would that even be okay? I think that might
Brian Upton:ask you asking me if when I walked in the door captivated attention.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, hanging on your every word. Yes. That wouldn't be annoying. No. It would be for me.
Brian Upton:It would be a little much it would be it would be a little much. I think it's, as always, it's somewhere in the middle of all of this, you know, the the answer some of the middle. Before you get to your question, I think expounding on this. I think we had one other question that felt like a quick answer. It was a very quick answer. But we decided the levels of the level of importance of that single question in the context of a long term relationship was astronomical. This question is a simple one. Yeah. And we're getting to not we're not doing quick answers. Now we did that. We dig up mine a little bit. But I think if this was the question that people really thought about, in the context of day to day relationships, it'd be incredibly, incredibly helpful. Listening. Okay, kidding. Focus listening, it would probably be the it's a top two or three reason people break up, I bet. Yeah, absolutely. Not feeling heard.
Stacey Upton:Not feeling heard. And you know, listening is a skill. And it really goes along with feeling, what was the question we had earlier? What do I do right now what what makes you feel appreciated, if you are actually listening, that in itself can help somebody feel appreciated you are, you are pausing, whatever is going on for you, and taking in what's going on for them.
Brian Upton:And we're desperate for that. Think about a traditional dinner conversation, you're just sort of waiting for your shot, you're just kind of like hovering over the conversation. And when you do on that spot for a little bit. Most people if they're being very honest about it, they really relish it, they relish that moment, they've got to kind of forget, it's the same reason we like to push our music on to other people, like we want them to like what we like we we want to feel validated. We do want to feel validated. And I think that that gets to the heart of this question is, you know, if I'm sorry, no, I was just gonna say if you don't feel listened to it's beginnings of letting go of the rope in a lot of ways of the relationship
Stacey Upton:it developed, it could actually lead to not only not feeling loved, or respected or appreciated, but probably start to build resentment.
Brian Upton:Well, not probably.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton:I guess there's some unicorn kind of relationship out there. But it's not a probably it feels like that would be the, you know, the catalyst for the end. Yeah. What do you got?
Stacey Upton:Well, you said something that reminded me, I was looking through my five minute journal, and then your back pocket. I had it in my lap, because I wanted, I wanted to see if I could find a quote, that was great. And I remembered I saw this earlier. This is by Mother Teresa. It's really spot on.
Brian Upton:When a mother treats quote out of your ass. That's never been said before. And
Stacey Upton:strictly not. There is more hunger for love and appreciation in the world than for bread.
Brian Upton:Can you say that again? I wasn't listening to you. And that that, how on point is that? How did did? Did you? How did you find that just now? How do you know before
Stacey Upton:we started the podcast, I just started flipping through a few pages trying to see is there something here that I might like to share on the podcast and I saw that one. And then listening to you what you said I'm like, Oh, my goodness, this is perfect. So I found
Brian Upton:it. Amazing. It's really good. Then did we get did not answer you did not answer? Do you
Stacey Upton:feel like I listened to you when you were speaking to me? So this is you asking me?
Brian Upton:Do you feel like you? I'm listening to you when you're speaking?
Stacey Upton:Usually? Not always. But usually. And just like you said earlier, sometimes you're scrolling on your phone, and it's kind of like the yeah, uh huh. Yeah. Which is fine. Because I recognize I do the same thing. But for the most part, yeah, I think you listen to me. You actually surprise me. Sometimes you'll bring something up that I said days ago and I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right.
Brian Upton:And better. I will tell you this in our relationship, that for a million Different reasons, probably comes back to processing, I am better at looking at, say, a giant squat on my phone and staying connected to the pace of a conversation than you, whether it be a show or whatever it might be. I think a lot of those things with the nature of the kind of processor you are, it can throw off the pattern of it, for me is confounding to you sometimes, because the conversations to me are a athletic event, right? You know that, that it, I can see something, even respond to an email and still sort of be carrying it. But that's probably fair. And I think my one truth would be that I've always found interest in everything you're doing, I think it becomes my new sort of hobby to understand it, maybe it's teaching yoga, maybe it's being a personal trainer at the YMCA social worker was fascinating to me, I couldn't get enough of it. Now we have this commonality of basically, not only what I'm doing now, but what I've mostly done my whole life, which is administrative work. And we have this huge commonality now with you. In to be brutally honest, it's it's added a lot of cards to the deck of our conversations, having a bullshit commonality in managing people and situations because I don't have the answers. But I have references to my own experience.
Stacey Upton:And I've been I've been enjoying that. Having that commonality that we didn't necessarily have before.
Brian Upton:I think honestly, before I can be wrong on this, I have to ask you this. I think before when I would have conversations, like two different languages sometimes before when I'd have conversations that I would use, say, admin or management techniques, or conversations and ours, even relating to the kids, it was even met possibly with a little resentment like authoritive authoritive resentment, like a little bit. And now once you're in the position of there's there's a huge commonality now between being on the other side of having that similar scope of work, if that makes
Stacey Upton:sense. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're probably right with that.
Brian Upton:Yeah. You ready to do our review?
Stacey Upton:Sure. I don't know what we're reviewing yet.
Brian Upton:It's going to be simple. I don't have any playing music. But we're going to review couples therapy on Showtime, oh, three seasons, maybe four. But three seasons. I think we just watched the end of season three. And just like only murders in the building last week. I think it's fair the way we do this one. I know people get really into the details of which season which episode. But I think for the purpose of what we do, we'll just review the whole frickin show and tell them where it's streaming. And for like we did last week, I'll quickly talk about it. Okay, couples therapy is a documentary series falling for couples as they seek the help of psycho analysts, Dr. Orna. Girl, I haven't seen any girl link girl group clinic with their troubled relationships. That's really all you need to say about it. It's a it's a 10 episode series for separate couples, and it's little vignettes from their therapy sessions.
Stacey Upton:And sometimes within their homes, sometimes in their
Brian Upton:homes during that was during COVID only. Yes, that was that season we watched was when she was doing it via zoom.
Stacey Upton:That's right. Well, no, even just now the one we watched where they show very short shots of them in their home.
Brian Upton:Sorry, the doctors not in their home this the couples that come in? Yeah, absolutely. And even they're even out in public. It's sort of you get a feel for the couples their body language at home working, you know, being around the kids and or not and walking through, you know, the park and things like that. What you review couples therapy on Showtime,
Stacey Upton:I thought it was really powerful. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I think the cycle therapist or NA is very good at what she does. And she also is working hard in her craft. She attends peer sessions with other social workers and therapists, which all therapists should be doing because you know, you've got to be sharpening those skills all the time. No one person knows all the answers, right? And it's really it's all about guiding the clients, through their trauma, whatever it is they're working through, and it's fascinating to see the defense mechanisms that people put up even within their own marriages right within their most intimate relationships. And then to see how that can be broken down and the hard work they really have to do, you have to have to become so vulnerable and open and some don't make it. Some don't make it some are not willing to be vulnerable. I'm
Brian Upton:obsessed with that show, I think for the one particular reason, which is that I'm very much been not a huge fan of the concept of therapy, we've gone to a therapist, and I'm always game for emotionally, I'm game for it. I'm not much different now than I that I have been 1520 30 years ago, but we went with therapy. I'll be honest with you, I wanted so much more from it so much more. And I'll use the word because I don't see it as a negative word getting that way. I would have wanted her to manipulate the conversations more and and curate the conversations more to get to an endpoint than the therapist we had. I watch her work on the show. And she's absolutely a brilliant tactician of evolving direct conversations between two other people.
Stacey Upton:She's very skilled, the one we had was still working on her credentials. She wasn't licensed yet. So she was new. She was learning
Brian Upton:that I didn't enjoy it. I think overall, I just have a little bit of a maybe we go deeper into that at some other point. But I just think this one has made me realize the value of watching someone work their craft the way she does. Yeah, so what's your rating? Oh, how do we do this? Again, one through 10 tenths of a point masterpiece would be eight nine or 10. Mosaic is a no no,
Stacey Upton:that's right. Mosaic. How did I forget that you can give it? I'm gonna say I'm, I'm a pretty generous grater. I'm going to say 8.8
Brian Upton:I'm going way higher, really. And that's weird for me. Because I want to give I always want to give myself one who gives a shit who's listening? And everybody in Venezuela still? Yes, but I'm gonna go 9.3 And I'm gonna give it our first my first little wing Michelangelo wing, because I think it's that good. I think I think it's that meaningful that good for people to check out that I'd want to give it that sort of a push and have one or two people watch it, especially with the concept of what we're doing here, which is engaging, trying to be honest, trying to basically kind of peel the onion a little bit of what this is. It would be a nice addendum to this podcast for people to watch on a different level, but it's in the same sort of vein. Yeah,
Stacey Upton:absolutely. I can't say I disagree with you on that.
Brian Upton:Did you ever wonder about what first class on an airplane on? you've flown first class I have now how was that?
Stacey Upton:It was wonderful.
Brian Upton:But you know what keeps me up at night. Oh, is what first class on Pan Am would be?
Stacey Upton:It must have been spectacular.
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Brian Upton:Bottom line when they come back. When I'll take you to Maui on Pan Am first class Oh, I'm gonna have to verify this my brother amongst 100% that we flew first class on pan-am to Honolulu for his graduation present from UCSC. In my 21st birthday, that's when you wrote to me. That's correct. But on the way out, we were in coach and we were just kind of vibing a little bit having a good time and the stewardess said there was two seats up in first class and we got champagne because we were both over of age we we won the champagne. She had to guess what the middle mark of the trip would be? There was like, You know what, what would be the exact this he had to guess on time what the middle mark of the trip would be because you have all the headwinds and stuff. And we guessed it and we want
Stacey Upton:it. That's impressive. I thought it was I'm sure you did.
Brian Upton:I have my question. But I feel like we're also on the edge of time.
Stacey Upton:Where are we at the time? 44
Brian Upton:minutes, which is okay,
Stacey Upton:I'm interested. It's a
Brian Upton:little bit more than usual as why I will see how we get through it. Okay. If you had to name the most difficult goodbye you've ever said what would it be? Wow, I know I can definitely go do it. And the reason I'm gonna go is that this one is very raw and very new, but it's not going to be obvious. It was. It's a little emotional, and very surprised that I feel this way. But the toughest goodbye that I've had wasn't when my dad died on the 14th. It was when we were in the car, and he got on the phone two days after his stroke, and he was still able to talk. And he was trying so hard. And I think when we went through a lot in those few minutes, and then when we hung up, I think I turned to you and I knew it was, that was my, that was my, it was my goodbye. And it was, and I knew it for some reason, I
Stacey Upton:knew that the guy turned to us saying like, it's over. You did you were so emotional.
Brian Upton:Yeah. And that was, I'm not. I'm not I don't take pride in not crying or or holding it in. I don't feel that way. Like, you know, if I see a commercial, if I see a movie, I'm not going to be one of those people, but I'm not going to hold it back. If I if I'm crying. You know, I mean, I just don't do it a lot. You know, I think I'm processing but that one hit me like a freight train. And it was a weird thing to say because it's not officially a goodbye. But in my mind. I did say I I think I turned to you. And and I think we had hope after that. But for me that was I keep on referring back. Like when people ask how I'm doing. I think that was the day I started grieving.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, you did. And I think it was because your dad didn't sound like your dad. And you You knew it was it was such a more serious stroke than the one he'd had 10 years earlier.
Brian Upton:Exactly. Exactly. And it was. And there was some desperation in his put it it was very hard for him to put words together. But there was a desperation in a you know, there was almost like a childlike nature to the speak because of because of the circumstance. But
Stacey Upton:it was limited. And I
Brian Upton:didn't think of it as a goodbye until I just heard this question or thought of this question. So that's my What about you?
Stacey Upton:I'm the hardest goodbye.
Brian Upton:If you had the name most difficult goodbyes difficult.
Stacey Upton:You know, I think I want to say it was when my dad died. It was very hard. But I don't think I don't know if it is the winner for this. What is it? Yeah, this is a hard one. Because say when I say goodbye to your dad, that was really hard for me. I yeah, I think that one takes precedence, actually. And it was different. I, when I said goodbye, it was in the hospital room when the choice had been made to take him off of life support. Right. And we you know, of course you don't know when it's going to happen once that has taken place. And we were going home for the day with the intention of going back. And we didn't see him again, did we? No, we didn't. And we thought we were going to but some I think your mom said you know, let's just say our goodbyes now because, right? We don't know. And that was very hard for me. Your dad was he filled the void. He was a father fit. He was the father figure that I needed that I hadn't had. Yeah. And that was that was
Brian Upton:hard. Yeah, it was it's a kind of surprised we landed on sort of the same window. And the only shocker is that my goodbye was 11 days earlier. Yeah, in my own mind, right. And maybe those 11 days made that day, a little bit more. I hate to use the word palpable. Maybe maybe a little bit more available for you and my mom and yeah, even been on the phone with my brother and all the calls we had to make. So in hindsight, maybe me kind of like disconnecting in some ways. instinctually feeling like I was never going to talk to him again. We didn't. We didn't it never happened again that way so well, that was that's out of my book. That's not as fun as they usually are. But it was that was good. I mean it was Is it's good to, for me to process it that way. And notch another little belt in the sort of recovery process.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, that so much processing to get really on the other side of it.
Brian Upton:Alright, let's play the game and get out of here. I need a number and Don't leave me hanging again like last time eat this or leaving this doesn't count.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, but we're going to eight. Yep.
Brian Upton:Oh this is MGMT kids. We know this one. So 8812 Misery. Okay, it's over and should be playing Oh, I got it can I? Well, I think
Stacey Upton:it's yours. Yeah. Brian. Yeah. It's actually
Brian Upton:a little theme song for leaving Watertown and coming out to California. That's not really our theme song but it works. In hindsight it does is go so that's gonna see them at the chase center in October
Stacey Upton:long as we don't get COVID again.
Brian Upton:It's another concert. Well, we apparently buy tickets. And don't go to things we're in for the dopamine of spending the money on the tickets and we don't go
Stacey Upton:That's embarrassing. I love you. My