Brian and Stacey try to figure out what is going on with their Venezuelan audience... Questions range from first loves, what their next tattoos might be.
Analyzing dreams has Stacey being Aqua Woman and Brian in an alternate universe....
Other questions : Do we feel emotionally close ?
Broken Tile Reviews :
"Blackbird" on Apple TV
"Nine Perfect Strangers" on Hulu
Spotify Musical Guest : Nation Of Language
Brian and Stacey try to figure out what is going on with their Venezuelan audience... Questions range from first loves, what their next tattoos might be.
Analyzing dreams has Stacey being Aqua Woman and Brian in an alternate universe....
Other questions : Do we feel emotionally close ?
Broken Tile Reviews :
"Blackbird" on Apple TV
"Nine Perfect Strangers" on Hulu
Spotify Musical Guest : Nation Of Language
red lights on label.
Stacey Upton:Welcome to What? To the broken tiles podcast with brains
Brian Upton:now you're gone for a second month there.
Stacey Upton:That's usually how we start. It's very true. How are you? Tired still, but I'm good.
Brian Upton:I've gotten into a habit of doing furious typing right up to the time we start
Stacey Upton:furious typing on your computer. Yes, because there's lots of work to do lately.
Brian Upton:If you're not typing, you're eating popcorn.
Stacey Upton:like a crazy person.
Brian Upton:If not eating popcorn, you're scratching your skull.
Stacey Upton:So we have to describe that. Is that something you really wanted to share with?
Brian Upton:Maybe you haven't heard this show is about brutal honesty. That is I found out we have a problem in Venezuela. Oh, tell? We you know, we've gone we go anywhere from between number 14 and number 75. On Apple podcasts. I've done some analytics. Okay. When I make fun of you. Yeah, we're near the top. What appears when I let you kind of roll free. We dropped to near 75.
Stacey Upton:I think you're full of it. I really have some doubts about your analytic evaluation
Brian Upton:over team. Oh, really? Yeah. Researchers. Yeah. And that includes who? Bailey column, he'll take the bullet for me.
Stacey Upton:Well, does that mean he'll be truthful or your your thinking that he'll just say what you might like for him to say is that what take the bullet for me means
Brian Upton:he'll take the bullet for me.
Stacey Upton:All right. The bottom
Brian Upton:line is this is that I come with you with science and with numbers and with facts. And you come back with me with emotion. I'm coming with cold hard facts about what is making our podcast go. It's a coincidence that it's me making fun of you.
Stacey Upton:What I have learned about research is it can be swayed hypotheses, and findings can be construed to point in the direction you might like for them to point. Unfortunately, not always
Brian Upton:condescending. Well, that's not the point. I want it.
Stacey Upton:What was that?
Brian Upton:I don't know. Let's do this one. I even know what level this is. Close it is. That's right. nine episodes in nine episodes in learning the game. We're playing
Stacey Upton:the game called Let's get closer.
Brian Upton:I think I've changed my mind. I want to start winning. What do you mean the game?
Stacey Upton:There's a way to win. Okay,
Brian Upton:is there I just feel like nine episodes in I can start dominating now on my answers.
Stacey Upton:I think playing the game is a way to win.
Brian Upton:So I won.
Stacey Upton:Well, maybe I needed to reset. Okay. Question number one. The Green Level close. What? Sorry? When was the first time you fell in love?
Brian Upton:Oh, we did first I was about to go down the path that we were we did. Have you ever had your heart broken? I think or do have you ever broken somebody's heart? That's right. The first question I fell in love. So I feel like this goes all the way back to I think it's gonna be towards sixth grade or seventh grade. And I feel like there's a journey song involved in a downstairs dance at somebody's house.
Stacey Upton:Oh my goodness. Like these questions they
Brian Upton:come on and it's like a flush of accessing The part of my brain that the question brings on. And it's kind of coming back to me who it would have been. I know that feeling would have been love based on what I knew from books and movies and things like that it would have been six to seventh grade. And are we trying to access the person? Even if it's like a first name kind of thing, right?
Stacey Upton:You can if you would like, I think it's helpful just to remind yourself of what that felt like and the experience.
Brian Upton:Yeah. And I think the first girl that I was in love with was in that rain, sixth or seventh grade ish in I think it was Joanna Martin. And she would have been at Holy Cross with me, I have memories like now I'm piecing it together of memories of straw hat pizza, like after an event or something like that, and having her friend talk to my friend, talk to her friend, talk to my friend. And you kind of had that. That final moment. I don't even know if we kissed her anything. It might have just been, I was in love and Joanna and her could have been, I feel like there was one girl I dated. And it's funny what you call love at that age. I might have been in love with somebody. This is a true story. I've told you this one before. But I threw a note. I was connected to a girl, Chris, and through a friend. We started dating, like in one of the first two periods of class. And it was official, that she'll go out with you. And we're official. And then she broke up with me at lunch
Stacey Upton:at lunch the same day. Yeah. But I
Brian Upton:will tell you this, that in the micro of that little moment from 930 to 1227. I was in love.
Stacey Upton:Well, what did you experience? Like? How did you What were you feeling that made you think it was love?
Brian Upton:That's thinking about our future? Thinking about what we name our kids future
Stacey Upton:beyond lunch
Brian Upton:that I laid right out in front of me? I think it's a great question. I think it's well, I think, for me, where I lead with it the beginning, scratching part of my brain making my brain think back. I can do some of the math here is probably 44 years ago now. 46 years ago. Yes. In that somewhere in that range to think that's probably a healthy habit.
Stacey Upton:To back that far. Is that what you mean?
Brian Upton:I don't know the science of but I think so. To kind of like, you know, possibly access a memory. I don't even know if there would be a thought to this. But I feel like there has to be something positive about that. About you.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, for me. When I when I thought I was really in love, because of course prior to this, there were crushes here and there. But it was not the same is seventh grade. Brad.
Brian Upton:I know all these names I know.
Stacey Upton:And I'm not going to say his last name, because it's a very distinctive last name. And I just don't think that would be fair. No, well, I don't think anybody is going to know. That was a more common last name that you stated. Joking. But anyhow, I was in seventh grade. And he was a friend of a boy that went to my church. And he brought him to a youth group event. Oh, it was a lock in. We had an overnight sleepover at the church just for the teens. Oh, yeah. I mean, there wasn't anything nefarious that happened. But
Brian Upton:why can't you look me in the eyes while you're telling that story.
Stacey Upton:I was in love with him. He was he played the viola and I played the clarinet. So we were both band geeks. And really liked being band geeks. And you know, for that age, we felt like we had a lot in common. But I just remember like, that's all I could think about was him. Yeah. And we wrote notes to each other. And we didn't get to see each other very often. But it was, you know, that first feeling of like, I think being in love that new kind of love is very akin to obsessive compulsive disorder. So you think about,
Brian Upton:oh, I was about to ask you to explain that. But yeah,
Stacey Upton:it's all you think about every thought. Every action is sort of revolving around this person that you can't get out of Your system.
Brian Upton:Yeah. And mine was two hours and 32 minutes. But whole life right ahead of me and the other part of my story and I want to get back so I have a question or two. Is that it? She broke up with me. across the playground somebody else telling me so Oh, yes, we didn't hold hands. We really had no interaction. We were just going out for two or three periods. Did
Stacey Upton:it start with a note? Like somebody champ this box? If you liked me?
Brian Upton:Yeah. Basically, I don't think it said that. I think it was really like, you know, I couldn't negotiate more of like a nucular summit of like, I'm a dude. And I like that girl. And it worked out. But we still hadn't quite connected at lunchtime, there was no holding hands. It was no kiss exchanged. And I think it was over before. We actually were seen as a couple out there. So what's a big lingering question for me after your story of first love is what's a viola?
Stacey Upton:It's similar to a violin. It's in the violin family.
Brian Upton:Oh, that makes it that makes it better? I'm glad you clarified. That was confusing. broaden it, though. Let's do our little game we've been within the game, which is broadening the question a tiny bit to the scope of great answer. Why is this possibly matter? And I do have a thought on it that you can maybe expound on. We almost by accident. And I always say that, possibly not by accident. But I know it wasn't super intentional. So somewhere in between, we're very open talking about every single relationship we've ever had leading up to ours at the very beginning, we didn't circle back around, right, it was part of a continuing sort of narrative. I think out of just being young and super curious about where you just came from before a stigma fit in. About, like, let's say you meet somebody at 30, you might have some permanent thoughts of it, you might be not going to dig up old shit. But when you meet as young as we did, I think we rolled in like who just date? Where do you just come from? Like, literally, where'd you just come from? And I think it became a pattern of behavior, not only where we just came from, but then expanding who was before that?
Stacey Upton:Well, yeah, because I think what we were trying to discover is who are you? And if you had a relationship that didn't work out why
Brian Upton:that's it. And that's the point I was going to make as I think as far as into the universe of relationships. Without knowing that was our sort of path and intention. I think what we might have done is been giving each other a playbook of what didn't work for me, and what did
Stacey Upton:exactly, and I think it's important to recognize that we all you know, before entering a lasting relationship, very likely have had more than one time where we've been in love with somebody, and those are opportunities to learn what works, what doesn't, you know, for you personally, and of course, you want to take what you learned into that next relationship and see, you know, how can you make it better? How can how might things be different because of what I learned from that last experience and the experience before that? And before that, that's it? Yeah.
Brian Upton:And funny, again, a very innocuous question, that I think I'm almost getting more addicted to in this podcast, this part than the actual answer because you're, you're in your own mind, you're giving an answer. And it's honest, but it's got an entertainment value of you and the dog curled up on the ground right there to a certain extent, to a certain extent, because it just doesn't resonate, but so I like getting to this after you know, before we go there I know there's something that's been haunting you
Stacey Upton:haunting me?
Brian Upton:What what a ninja sex party might sound like?
Stacey Upton:I've never heard of such a thing
Brian Upton:but it's been haunting you.
Stacey Upton:How can it be haunting me?
Brian Upton:Because this is what it sounds like. Even Trade very now what I thought the sex party would sound like confusing. Wait, what is that? What is this?
Stacey Upton:Oh my goodness.
Brian Upton:This is a cover of Take on me by ninja sex party. Wow. I like it was a bait and switch right there.
Stacey Upton:It totally what
Brian Upton:I thought we were going to do our first rated episode. It's a little band that does all covers called ninja sex party. Huge promotion for them. There. They have a chance to probably skyrocket in Venezuela after this Have you ever get old?
Stacey Upton:No, I, it's so fun.
Brian Upton:There's so many people that call me. Like, that's the that's a good little hook. And it's one of four buttons that I have. How lucky are we?
Stacey Upton:I don't have a huge soundboard. No, no, it's very first
Brian Upton:question people have when they listen to podcast is, who's your producer? What's the studio? Like?
Stacey Upton:If they could only see,
Brian Upton:I can't believe you think we have people that ask? It's ever as
Stacey Upton:my gosh, I really need to consider the source. Always
Brian Upton:move a little closer. Well done. Thanks. I know the game.
Stacey Upton:Okay. What was our biggest challenge? And how did we overcome it?
Brian Upton:We're still in the middle of it. And I know we've accessed this information. Maybe Maybe you have a different one. I think the the obvious one is a little it's more on the nose of I'm gonna give a second answer. But the first one is, I think we overcame in the first half may be and I do. We've we've alluded to it in some of the podcasts. I think we overcame my youth, my, my brain developing through that period. And I think it's a substantial, we survived me more than we did you. As far as that's the way I see it. That's not my answer. The answer to that specific question is we survived our 20s and early 30s, financial sort of frivolity. And the story we have with that that's interesting, going backwards is almost too much too early. In a way, it was like too much too early as far as. And I'm not saying that is an excuse at all, I'm looking back on the blueprint of our life. And why we struggled financially, it's, it's there was a couple arcs where I think we learned some bad habits early because of a dearth of money, and then in excess of money for the age we had with what was in our checking account. And we didn't have any kind of a, I'll use that word again, like a playbook for what to do with it. And those struggles had reverberations for a long time. And so if I remember what the question is already, which is kind of lame, it was specifically,
Stacey Upton:what was our biggest challenge? And how did we overcome it?
Brian Upton:Yeah, that was it. It was kind of going to the bottom of that. And then quite honestly, a 15 year, a lot of our life is broken up into halves right now, I kind of feel like there's parts of it that are, you know, at 32 years, there's 14 of this 16, or something like that, where it feels like we've been on a path of recovery from that for well over 10 years. Now. If you know, to move towards 15, we've grown up together we have so that would be my answers. Is that to that question is is we did survive that together.
Stacey Upton:Yeah. And mine is somewhat similar. I thought about the the big financial event fall, if you will, when we were living in New York. And it was it was a challenge, because of course, you know, when you're at a point where you lose everything, that at least it felt like we were losing everything. It it made us reprioritize everything. Yeah. And first of all, you alluded to the fact that we sort of overcame you was what you said and and I I don't know that I fully agree with that, because we were both youthful and operating, unskilled fully. And when this financial fall happened, you had not been forthcoming about what was going on until it was too late or essentially, over. It was over. When you shared with me what was going on, and you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and really share everything, including how you felt and what your emotions were. That's when I think we started the overcoming part of it. We were on a new level between us. There was openness and honesty that I don't know that I realized wasn't there before. But it wasn't but it wasn't. And so it was kind of it was all shocking. But then it was like we leveled up in a sense with our relationship.
Brian Upton:I feel like it was the shackles of The patriarchy in a little more in hindsight, that in the moment and the moment it was chaos, in hindsight, I think what I was struggling with was the, the burden of a patriarchal concept of I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. My Respect is earned from me getting it. I've got it covered in man, that the minute that I said, let's share it, it didn't make me less of a person. I didn't change much fundamentally, as far as my daily sort of Outlook regime, I just had some balance and some help in and you know, the beat the word down a little bit, some equity in even those those parts of it. And that helped.
Stacey Upton:And I was happy to live in the patriarchy at that time. I put my blinders on. I stayed home. I was raising the kids, I was sort of doing my own thing. But when we went into that next level, and the equity began to happen between us. While it was hard, it was also it felt good.
Brian Upton:Yeah. Oh, there's no doubt about it. I'm a little shocked thinking back on it that I didn't have a breakout earlier. We were non traditional at the beginning. I was going to school. I raised Taylor, for the first couple years. You were working full time. But it didn't stick or something. I wasn't reaching out. But we weren't. I wasn't overthinking it. I wasn't depressed at home. I wasn't Yeah, I loved watching Taylor full time. I loved my life doing that. And then I just happened to go to work full time you stayed home. But I did. Once I went back, I did fall back into that sort of muscle memory behavior of the patriarchy of, of for some reason, making you think I always had you guys covered.
Stacey Upton:Yes, that was an you really use those words of I've got it. I've got it. Yeah. It was almost like a mantra.
Brian Upton:Right. And to this day, we still have remnants of it. And what's the big thing the last couple of years you and I have been talking about? Were one of the biggest remnants of the life decades of this patriarchy, decades of this. When you say can we spend it right? And it just, I'm just like, let's let's and we like me saying it's one of those things, or it's one of those ones? Yes. I think that's part we're trying to break because I've gotten to the point now I'm like, I don't know, can we you know, we know. But we both know, the broadening this one out a tiny bit. We don't have to spend a ton of time on it. But I did have a thought as we go to the broadening of this is the question itself might be a fundamental one to kind of receptacle to in a relationship. So you know that you can achieve things and you recognize it so that you can rely on it when shit hits the fan. So if you ask this question yourself, and in smaller increments, you might realize that within the relationship already, you have the fundamentals to solve shit.
Stacey Upton:Absolutely. It's it's the same tactic that we use in behavior change in some of the behavior change classes that I teach. It's creating a place for small for success, small success, and then going back and looking at what have I accomplished? What have I actually done? Well, so you can build up that sense of self efficacy, that that feeling of agency that I can do this, right? It's important. It lets you know that I am capable,
Brian Upton:because what happens is, I think people lose connection with their ability to find their way out. Yeah, and all of a sudden, you're waking up saying I can't find my way out or I can't see a way out with that person. And I literally want out now,
Stacey Upton:yeah, you get it's easy to get stuck in a role that for whatever reason worked, because it was efficient for some reason. And then we forget that we can do things a different way. Right. And you you experience that learned helplessness, that inability to do something different. Yeah. And we all have the ability to do something different. It's just a matter of getting outside of your comfort zone, which is always a challenge right. Now is Sookie is playing with a ball.
Brian Upton:Can I just take the ball away from her? Oh, no. She said, Okay. Nope, not yet. Oh, little pause here we're going to do we're going to do two reviews. And it's a new angle. It's going to be quick. We're still doing the, you know the one to 10 broken tiles eight, nine and 10 is a master Pease 567 is a mosaic okay anything below that you get into basically the kind of trashy range so we're going to do two reviews now these are ones that are kind of a little bit more along the lines of some of the reviews you would see on maybe a rotten tomatoes where they were literally doing a limited episode review one might be full but I think the other ones just one or two episodes we watched see if this rings a bell don't look you're cheating.
Stacey Upton:You're can't read it.
Brian Upton:Because it's pretty far away. You wouldn't know it's not on there. No
Stacey Upton:one's familiar but I can't place it
Brian Upton:nine perfect strangers.
Stacey Upton:Oh gosh.
Brian Upton:The broken tiles review.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, I can come up with this real quick. It's on Hulu. It's on Hulu. It stars Nicole Kidman right. I'm going I say this lives in the velvet painting range.
Brian Upton:Whoa, I don't even think we have that as a category. It's a new category and you just made it up. Yep. What number
Stacey Upton:it is this range from one to three.
Brian Upton:And I'm waiting
Stacey Upton:Well, I had heard from more than one person that it was really worth watching and fun. And
Brian Upton:should we give a full credit here we'll give it a little tiny preview like we do so people know what we're talking about. I'm perfect strangers and American drama streaming television mini series based on the 2018 novel The same name by Leon Moriarty created by David Kelly also develop the series that did not give me the description of what I was looking forward you know I think the
Stacey Upton:nine strangers come to a Wellness Spa that's it and so it's a stories of each of these nine people that come together
Brian Upton:yeah promise total transformation nine very different people arrive at tranquil them houses secluded retreat run by the mysterious wellness guru, Marsha. Okay, get my review right now go for it zero.
Stacey Upton:And why?
Brian Upton:Trash in this is probably a circumstance where I will look at some point after to see how far off base I am. That this is horrible. It was terrible, amazing actors, great actors, unbelievable actors in that
Stacey Upton:blown away. I felt like the dialogue was stale. And the characters were very stereotypical. And it it didn't grab my attention
Brian Upton:tomorrow waving Bobby Cannavale Grace Pat and Melissa McCarthy's in it Luke Evans, Manny Jacinto, which is we love these actors like the actors just kept coming into the first couple minutes I'm like hell yes.
Stacey Upton:We didn't finish the first episode we couldn't get through it zero Yeah, I was being too kind we'll force
Brian Upton:our way through me because I think like the Rotten Tomatoes ones we can always re circle around and up this rating at some point if we want to give a quick update and I'll fly through since we trashed it I'll we'll watch a few more episodes and see if it can recover but I didn't get your number
Stacey Upton:I said to
Brian Upton:what did you find redeeming?
Stacey Upton:I like the actors
Brian Upton:are gone second review. I give me more time tell me says do anything do don't look
Stacey Upton:up it's got to be Blackbird. It's
Brian Upton:Blackbird.
Stacey Upton:I don't wreck Oh, now I recommend recognize the music. Okay, this is Masterpiece quality. It never failed. The acting was remarkable. The what was the creepy characters named Larry the person who played Larry who's a pedophile? I've never seen anything so creepy and disturbing and well done. It was phenomenal. I would recommend this to anybody if if you if you are not put off by the subject matter
Brian Upton:it's it's unbelievable in will give the same treatment inspired by actual events when high school football hero and decorate a policeman sons Jimmy Keane is sentenced to 10 years in prison. In a minimum security prison. He's given a choice of lifetime interim maximum security prison for the criminally insane and befriend suspected serial killer Larry Hall. And it without giving. There's no spoilers that basically is what the beginning of the series happens. And I think it's a limited series on Apple TV. I'm going I'm trying to find any fault in that thing. But I do want to give myself some kind of wiggle room for some that we come. I'm going 9.7 You know, masterpiece with all the wings.
Stacey Upton:I have to agree i There wasn't one thing I didn't like about it right? It's disturbing. Yeah. But very well done
Brian Upton:it's not even your turn. Oh, okay. I didn't expect better. I'm trying to be a little more spontaneous with this because I realized the fun part of our game is that I don't know. So I'm trying to just rifle through and go to a page and see if it's good.
Stacey Upton:A page of what explain. It's called if a book called
Brian Upton:F, Evelyn MacFarlane and James say, well,
Stacey Upton:Sookie found another ball.
Brian Upton:It's outrageous. But she so here's a fun one. Okay, if you had to go tonight to be tattooed. Where on your body? Would you have it done? And what would it be?
Stacey Upton:My I can answer that. The wearer of my body I'm not quite clear on but I was actually thinking recently about the top of my foot because I want to see it. And what I want is a golden heart. Do you know why I want a golden heart? Yeah, for your boy. Yeah. When Bailey our son was? Well, you know, I was about to say when he was little, he was sweet. But he still is. But when he was young, you know, as a toddler. We were just everybody would be amazed by how sweet and kindly always was. And so we call them the boy with a golden heart. That was his nickname. And I was given I think it must have been for Mother's Day. purchased by you, but as a gift from all the kids, those willow tree statues. And it's it looks like a boy holding a heart that's painted gold. Yeah. And so I have asked our tattoo artist if he can do a gold heart and there's not gold ink, but he says he can make it look like gold and I can't remember how he said he was going to do it. But that's what I would do.
Brian Upton:Brayton for a long heavy water tattoo free plug 26th Avenue. He's excellent and best of everything right best of Santa Cruz for like yeah, five of the last six hard
Stacey Upton:to get into see him you got a book out months in advance. He's seven months
Brian Upton:out right now. I saw him the other day and I think he's six to seven months out. So he runs good business. This is usually really obvious to me. You know, do you have a few I mean, do you have
Stacey Upton:one too? Six. Wow. Maybe five.
Brian Upton:Probably go out tonight and get one. It might actually be in the world of the little game. I want to start playing if I was gonna go run out and get one tonight. I think you know what I want to do with my next few. I've got quite a few on both of my arms is start hiding some Easter eggs from my own entertainment. I think I might go out and get thug life. That would that one I want directly on my back. But what's the hook? Micro tattoo? A tiny one tiny tattoo of like, I want to get tiny tattoo all over my whole both of my arms here and there with all of the most regrettable tattoos. Like I want every regret that someone's ever said like, I want one that says no regrets. I want thug life. I want your name with a heart and an arrow through it. But in a micro tiny tattoo so that it's almost imperceptible, you know the ones are doing like the ones on the fingers and the rings. I want a micro tattoo. And I think there's probably seven to 10 I can do within the pattern I've got on both my arms where I can hide it. And when somebody brings up a conversation or conversation comes up with regrettable tattoos, I'll either have it or I'll go get it after I hear about it.
Stacey Upton:Like no regrets. I just said that.
Brian Upton:I'm gonna do I
Stacey Upton:actually want us to think thug life would be super regrettable until I read the book. The hate you give. If anybody is interested in reading it is actually I listened to it on the audiobook app which is escaping me audible. Wow. Oh, the most well done audiobook I've ever listened to really. So well produced the the narrator's were fantastic. And it was a story that I didn't think I would connect to and it was amazing. I just, I really enjoyed it.
Brian Upton:You ruined my tattoo. Sorry. I'm going again. You are so right below it that I want to ask you if you could realize a dream that you had while asleep, which dream would you pick? Oh, pretty good,
Stacey Upton:right? Yeah I'm I don't remember dreams often. But the first thing that popped into my head was I remember having it was actually a scary dream, where I was swimming underwater, and somebody was shooting at me. That's not the part I'd like to relive. But what was happening is I realized I could breathe underwater. Oh, and so they didn't know I could breathe underwater. And so I could just stay underwater and also realizing the bullets. Couldn't get me because I could swim away. And I don't know it was it was kind of a cool dream in that way. Wow.
Brian Upton:We think I've very vivid dreams, yes, you do in a lot of them manifest themselves into things that actually occur. I know the one I know as I'm thinking about this, the one or a series of ones when I was playing around writing the the fantasy novel about the kids and things like that, there'll be times where I was writing a lot. And it I would dream, a continuous sequence of what I had just finished. And sometimes it would become the next chapter was so vivid, I get up, scribble it down, write it down, like energetically. And those dreams were in color of the animation of the art that Nizar did for the book. And it was an absolute continuation with all of the all of the movement, all of the lights, all of the magic, all of the things that were happening, that I would wake up kind of startled and bummed. But if I could manifest that airwing world into being true, I think I would, I think I would really enjoy that.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, you would. I would, too, if I could be there. Yeah. Was fun one.
Brian Upton:Now we're onto a baby. The Redwings scares the shit out of me.
Stacey Upton:This question may be easier than you might expect. But I think it can lead to a really good conversation. Do you feel emotionally close to me?
Brian Upton:This is way better than Are you listening to me from the last episode? Way higher on the chart? Yes. Way higher on the chart here? The answer is? The answer is yes. But the caveat is that we probably let life get in the middle of that way more than we should as far as like that. When you say emotionally connected, I'm talking like all the way like, like, there's periods times like I think of sitting there watching that sunset, I think we talked about going to pass a pizza pass a grill beach. As a quick reference to someplace we've been, it could be anywhere you have those moments where you're deeply no distractions emotionally connected. Yeah, that's the bar I'm setting for it. So the answer is, yes, I do as far as 32 years, overwhelmingly emotionally connected. I think we, we try to keep momentum going towards that as much as possible. But like a lot of the other things we've talked about, there'll be days times where mentally you not necessarily on that. watching the sunset. emotional level, you're millions of miles apart emotionally. Absolutely. And it can go on for hours or days or something like that. So it's complicated question. I think as far as the overall barometer, for sure, yeah. We because we really, do we have a good groove going most of the time. But when put on the spot and answering it. It feels like I wouldn't have thought about this till just now. It feels like oh, there's a lot of work to do.
Stacey Upton:At times. Yeah, I think we've mentioned before that, you know, we can have phases of how things can feel really good between us. And then at times we get distracted by life, like you were just saying, Yeah, and I agree I, I, I would say yes, we are emotionally close. And I also agree that there are times you know, things get away from us. We get preoccupied with something. But the question I have for you is and that's not on this card, I'm just coming up with this thing. I'm riffing. It's not something I do very after the question I have for you would be, how could we be emotionally close more often? Like what would have to happen for that to be the case?
Brian Upton:What do you want my immediate answer? Sure. Lovesac couch.
Stacey Upton:Well, is that I'm not
Brian Upton:kidding. Okay,
Stacey Upton:that's lame to everyone.
Brian Upton:It's a small thing. But we live in this little place. And we have this wonderful couch. And it's it's a definite upgrade from where we were before. The attraction to the couch is the fact that each end of it has a recliner. Yes. And this customer thought decent sized couch is probably a 10 foot couch. So we sit in our couch in our two foot recliners, as we're watching these horrible shows like nine perfect strangers, and good ones. But we've got you know, 10 minus four is six feet between us. And that's been different. Because we did in our old circumstance, we would be a little bit closer, some cuddling would go on. We were in Denver this last week, and we stopped in Cherry Creek mall and sat on a love set couch, which is way more than we want to spend on a couch by think we immediately the first thing we said to each other was this, this would be so much better for us as far as our evenings and being closer. Yeah, that's the joke answer. The second one would be more time away from the screens more time with the phones down a rule possibly. I don't know why we drift away from a vote when we decide we're going to play a game of Scrabble or something. It's amazing.
Stacey Upton:We enjoy it. Yeah, I think I think what happens is your job is very physical. And you do need to rest when you get home. And it's so easy to just turn on the TV. And that becomes our evening. I think if we were to maybe say one or two nights a week, to start, we don't turn on the TV. Maybe we go do something go on a hike or a walk or play some games. Yeah, something different. Right. Not watching TV. No, I mean, it's a may not do as many reviews. If we're watching less TV.
Brian Upton:That's a good point. But we could do food reviews or book reviews or game reviews. Yeah, who gives a shit all kinds of things I do appreciate you said My job is very physical because it is not. Well, it used to be used to be it's it's more, it's more logistical. And in a lot of ways, emotional from customer service, sort of aspect, draining that way. But it's I get the point, I get the point where I am out and out and out. And then I come back. And that is my unwind period.
Stacey Upton:And you're out and out and out and not on a computer where I am on a computer all day. And so it would be really great for me to not look at a screen.
Brian Upton:That's why I'm finding so much like balance going out to that hot tub even for 25 minutes every day. It's been every day, like for a while now. It doesn't have to be a long time. But there's no screen out there. It's just it's just me and a little bit of music. And that's been that's been really good.
Stacey Upton:Yeah, I think that would be a good habit for me to do too. But you're usually doing that while I'm finishing work.
Brian Upton:That's very true. Yeah.
Stacey Upton:I wanted to bring something up. Wow. Are we with time?
Brian Upton:We are. Let's see. We're doing great. What? Go ahead.
Stacey Upton:Okay. So this do you feel emotionally close to me question? For some reason reminded me of this concept of the four horsemen in relationships. Do you remember, I do a little talked about this a little bit. So this comes from research by John Gottman and I he does research with his wife, which I think her name is Judy. And you can look this up if you want to learn a little bit more about it. But you know, if you're not if you have if you are in a relationship with somebody, and you're not emotionally close, you know, that could really signify things are not quite right. Would you agree? Yes. Yeah. So it just made me think of, they call it the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which is a metaphor, depicting the end of time, so very familiar with that. Yeah. So this is in the context of a relationship. Okay. So the first is criticism. So criticizing your partner is a little different than offering a critique or, you know, making a complaint or something, right. So it's really an attack on on your partner at the core of their character.
Brian Upton:Yeah, it's, that's horsemen one. Yeah.
Stacey Upton:horseman, two is contempt. So when we're communicating in a state of contempt, we're we're mocking we're disrespectful. Maybe using body language like eye rolling, it's really meant to show that you think the other person is worthless. The next one is defensiveness. And this can actually happen if somebody is communicating in that contempt. way,
Brian Upton:I might be riding that horse.
Stacey Upton:But defensiveness is really you're not taking responsibility for anything. You're coming up with excuses.
Brian Upton:I only get on that defense horse when you come flying in on your contempt horse though.
Stacey Upton:And then the last one is stonewalling. What stonewalling. You've been on that horse too. You have when we had our episode that you named? I'm a slow, you're slow processor. I'm just pissed. You were essentially saying when we fight it when we used to fight in the past, you would Stonewall? Yeah. You did not want to interact
Brian Upton:was on that fucking horse? You were right. And it's hard.
Stacey Upton:So you know, what's interesting is these researchers have, through years and years of research and studying couples and doing couples therapy, they actually got to this place where they could predict with, I don't remember the percentage of certainty, very high percentage of certainty whether a couple would split or not. And it was by identifying these four horsemen.
Brian Upton:That's a big bomb to drop at the very end of a podcast, because it's so good. It's one point it's like it's almost has it needs its own air. To go over that. I think each of those that might be a very fun podcast to do is diving deep into those four categories contempt, divestment, and you know all of the nature of those with some of our own personal experiences to kind of like root it out. Sure, but I think that is a classic, put a pin in it.
Stacey Upton:Yeah,
Brian Upton:we follow up with zero of what we say we're going to follow up.
Stacey Upton:I know I've noticed that that's an issue
Brian Upton:super confident pushing this down the road though a little. This might be this might be one. It's a great name for the four horsemen. Yeah, it's a great name for a podcast with something funny on the other side of it, but it's a good name for it. That was actually really good. And we should come back to that. Okay. America, you don't know it yet. But you're going to Europe this summer on your yard because we cut our fares. They're lower than last year. There's no excuse not to excuse our parents. You're going to Europe. I got some news on Panem. Oh, tell me legit really? Gonna talk about the next podcast.
Stacey Upton:Oh my gosh,
Brian Upton:there's a Pan Am Museum. What? Yep. And Garden City, New York. Open 10 to five, seven days a week real museum. Huge teaser. We'll move on down the road. But that exist.
Stacey Upton:I think we need to do a traveling podcast got
Brian Upton:you stunned right now do the so I can regroup for the close out here. Let's do our intelligent change.
Stacey Upton:You read my mind? I did. You did?
Brian Upton:Yeah. So stonewalling
Stacey Upton:our, our sponsor, intelligent change is where this game that we're using to spark our conversations comes from. I've also shared on this podcast, The Five Minute Journal, which I absolutely love the first product I ever I ever purchased from this company. And they offer so many different tools that you can use to enhance your life and, and your level of gratefulness and authenticity and productivity. So I encourage you to check them out and chill intelligent change.com. And, please, how do you how do you describe this? Brian, if someone wants to receive a free product, I'm doing a different this way. That's what I Okay, go ahead and explain.
Brian Upton:I'm not even playing the game this week. What do you mean by that? Well, let's move on to Episode 10 broken tiles podcast@gmail.com All they have to do is basically follow the show on Spotify or Apple and download it. You're in the mix there and then just email it broken tiles podcast@gmail.com That you did it with your address and you're in the running to get a game. I'm giving the game to our last review on Apple because I can reach out. Here's the review. Just heard the first episode Love the authenticity, your stories in the transition music Spotify blend sharing music with different generations. Lovely family, that person's getting a game I'm finding that person because that's a very sweet review to give and they're actually getting the game. But for everybody else playing, just email us just just find any platform. We're on 12 different platforms. Now you can even say I don't want to do it right now. And I will I turned it down. You can even say, hey, Alexa, play the broken tiles podcast and it'll play. Which is awesome. That's pretty cool. Yeah. And it was pull it right up. If you've never listened to start right with Episode One. Oh, dang it. Alexa, stop. So my real
Stacey Upton:question though, I thought at our on our last podcast, it was people were supposed to do something over social media.
Brian Upton:I think all it did was created a we do have the broken tiles podcast on Instagram, right. And I want to make that easier. You can like that. And we also have the broken tiles, podcast playlist on Spotify. That's right. And we'll make that easier and easier. For this one we'll get through keep just do read, download, download anywhere, reach out to that email, and you're in the mix to get the game. Excellent. So you're ready to get out of here and play our
Stacey Upton:game. If you're interested in any of the intelligent change products, use the promo code
Brian Upton:broken tiles 10 Thank you. Which I think if we keep going this way, it's going to be broken tiles 20 Pretty soon, maybe through but right now it's 10% off. Okay. We go. Give me a number. This one doesn't count. By now.
Stacey Upton:Let me think number between one and what
Brian Upton:we literally have like a minute to get out of here. Get going.
Stacey Upton:The numbers 81234.
Brian Upton:I went again, we're going to this concert. Recognize
Stacey Upton:it so fast.
Brian Upton:I cannot recommend this band any more than Oh,
Stacey Upton:nation of language. This is Brian. Yes. And you know, it's interesting thinking about that comment that you just read the review that you just read. You would think maybe this would be from a younger generation. But this is a new band that you found not our kids,
Brian Upton:I think different Brooklyn, New York. Their second album just came out. They're going on tour to support it. They are heavily influenced by OMD Depeche Mode a bunch of 80s bands, and they're phenomenal.
Stacey Upton:And that's why we love it. Yeah. They are really good. And the more we listened to it the more I like it. We're not
Brian Upton:gonna be on time. I can't turn the song off.
Stacey Upton:To just fade it out. We can listen to
Brian Upton:it and just turn it up. It's so good though. It is alright. Nation of language.