Broken Tiles

Stacey Apologizes to Venezuela.

• Brian & Stacey Upton • Season 2 • Episode 25

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A courthouse makes it legal—but a room full of people who love you? That’s what makes it feel like a marriage.

In this episode of The Broken Tiles Podcast, Stacey and Brian return from Syracuse, where their son’s eleven-year love story turned into one of the most joy-filled, grounded celebrations they’ve ever experienced—grandmas waving glow sticks. Cousins laughing like no time had passed. Two families folding into each other in a way that felt both official and beautifully easy.

Brian had the honor of officiating the ceremony—nontraditional, deeply personal, and written for a couple who don’t do religion but do believe in meaning, daily choice, and the kind of love that shows up in the everyday. (Yes, there was a hidden Lord of the Rings reference. And yes, only one sibling caught it.)

They reflect on what happens when estranged relatives reunite after twenty years—not to rehash the past, but to quietly begin again. They talk about why this wedding felt different, and how years of shared milestones—graduations, birthdays, cross-country visits—had already blended their families long before the music started.

After a long absence from podcasting, Brian offers a heartfelt apology to the entire country of Venezuela.....on Stacey’s behalf. 

The episode also explores three relationship questions they posed to each other:
 – What’s the most unexpected thing about being with me?
 – I love you most when __________.
 – And the one that stumped them both: Choose five words to describe my future that I don’t dare imagine.

They unpack how long-term couples stay connected: through small rituals, simple language, and navigating the quiet toll of sleep loss and mental spinning. They revisit how parenting reshaped their views on gender, why they chose gender-neutral names, and how their kids’ different life paths challenged assumptions they didn’t realize they had.

To close things out, they share their love for K-dramas like Castaway Diva and Extraordinary Attorney Woo—soft, smart, emotionally generous shows that forced them to slow down and reset.

If you're in the mood for a thoughtful, funny, grounded listen about weddings that heal, families that try again, and the questions that get under the surface—this one’s for you.

Press play, then share your answers to the big questions—or the bridge you’re thinking about rebuilding. And don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and pass this along to someone who loves a good reunion story.

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SPEAKER_03:

This is the Brooklyn Piles Pop and Hunt.

SPEAKER_00:

Babe.

SPEAKER_03:

Hi, honey. It's been a while since we've done that.

SPEAKER_01:

I was hoping you weren't gonna say that. Hi. I think we need to be kinder to ourselves.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I think we start every episode with it's been a while, or is that just a statement of fact?

SPEAKER_03:

It's a fact.

SPEAKER_01:

We uh don't treat our audience with the due respect. It leads me to um just a question I want to ask you right out of the gate. Okay, and I want you to answer it, okay?

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Why do we respect Venezuela? Disrespect, but not intentional.

SPEAKER_01:

I think an apology is necessary. To our number one fans. I'll do it. I'll do it. Para Stacy. Me desculpo con todo el país. Yo, Stacy. Lo siento por nuestros fans numero one.

SPEAKER_03:

Brian es el mayor. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01:

What happened?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, there's Azuki bringing her toy to us.

SPEAKER_01:

She's back in the show. She can't take it. Saw this one coming. This goes back to episode two or three where uh she didn't now and you're doing the same thing there. You're playing with her.

SPEAKER_03:

I've got helpful to ignore her.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like we went through this a long time ago. Weddings.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01:

Time.

SPEAKER_03:

Mm-hmm. Oh, you mean time in between?

SPEAKER_01:

Time in between. What else? Seven months since we've podcasted.

SPEAKER_03:

I can't believe it's been that long.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It's I think the I guess there's so many updates to give, and you know, there's the why seven months, and a lot of it has to do with life more vibes than anything else. It's not as if podcasting more than ever. I think we had a joke about a year ago that it was only one or two, and it kind of felt like I think the conversation was it felt like it was cheating when I was tech, you know, um podcasting with somebody else. Now it's 17 different podcasts. That many. Yeah, when you include like Minnesota, it's all over. So I think what happens is you and I have the best intention, and then I might have just done three or four, and even though we're set up, it's like the last thing I feel like doing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But I we love doing it when we finally get to it. So we have to make it like a date night.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think that's it. It's Friday night, we're sitting at home. I brought the gear home. You know, I think that's helpful in a way because I got my little drink. It's not even a sound effect.

SPEAKER_03:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

It was like a poor man's Manhattan. A poor whiskey, bitters, cherry.

SPEAKER_03:

Simple.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it works right now. Although I shouldn't probably be drinking with the medicine.

SPEAKER_03:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

Different podcast. But let's not bury the lead. We just got back from Syracuse, raised the kids back there. And huge moment this last weekend.

SPEAKER_03:

Our boy got married to an amazing girl.

SPEAKER_01:

We gathered a new Upton.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, she's been in Upton for a while.

SPEAKER_01:

I I don't know though. Yeah, I mean, I guess she legally changed her name, what, two weeks from now?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a bit there's a difference. It felt and I would have I would agree with you that she's been part of the family, and you know, definitely in that context. But wedding invitations, the way I spoke about her at the wedding, it's you know, until we announced them, like, you know, the you know, Kenzie and Bailey Upton, and she changed her Facebook. There's little official things we do in the world right now that make it a little more official.

SPEAKER_03:

It's true.

SPEAKER_01:

And it felt different.

SPEAKER_03:

It did. It was so special. It was the most joyful wedding I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think clearly we're biased. Um but there was some unique aspects to it. One of them they'd been dating for eleven years. Two, they got married last spring here in Santa Cruz at the courthouse, the world we live in. She's PA there, cut their house in Turlock doing a couple years there. But I think you can't not pass up that advantage to get the benefits of being married for insurance and things like that. So they knew what was happening. There were two years ago he proposed the wedding was always October 25th in Syracuse.

SPEAKER_03:

Not 25th.

SPEAKER_01:

October 25th.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh in Syracuse. And um, I think last spring was just to kind of get the you know, the insurance in order and kind of take advantage of some of the benefits.

SPEAKER_03:

And that was sweet, but this was epic.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, what I'm saying is I think that made this. I think the fact that you do it in stages like that, I guess I was finishing my thought, is like dating for 11 years, getting married last year legally, and then having essentially a party last Saturday. That's what it felt like.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Yeah, it was really it was so much fun. There was uh a great representation of all of our family. And at one point we had all the grandmas on the dance floor with the disco sticks.

SPEAKER_01:

It was crazy.

SPEAKER_03:

It was so cute.

SPEAKER_01:

And even my mom, you know, and we've talked about it a little bit, but there's um, you know, family dynamics are family dynamics, but cutting to the quick of it all, there was a lot of people that hadn't seen each other in 20 years. And there was a lot of emotions that went into that week and a lot of anticipation nerves. And without getting to the high weeds of it, it was a huge lesson in there, I think, and and that is, you know, it's as if nothing had ever happened the minute people present themselves to each other. And I'm not saying that's always the case. I know it can be multifaceted and kind of everybody's situation is a little different, but there is a um, I think there is a lesson that it is about these relationships, it's about being with each other. And I think we drift apart sometimes and the chasm becomes more of the actual reason and problem that you might not have been communicating.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I think there was so a lot of beauty in the fact that those that were estranged from each other for so long without talking about it just decided to let all that go and start from that moment they saw each other again.

SPEAKER_01:

That's exactly it. And it's nice. And it's there's this um, you know, we've been lucky enough for 11 years. I've been to enough weddings, and we've even had some in the family where that wedding is sometimes day one of this new merging of the families. And the fact that they've dated for 11 years and different events here in their graduations, birthday parties, times back home here and there. We've gotten to know her side of the family. She's clearly been immersed in our side of the family, and I think that made that party a lot different because we were pretty loose with the Schischlers and that side of the family just for because we've known them. So a lot of the stars aligned, right?

SPEAKER_03:

It was very comfortable.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It was great. What was your favorite part?

unknown:

Gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

I keep talking about all the grandmas on the dance floor, and I just loved that. That might be my favorite part. No. My favorite part was you officiating. That was that really touched my heart.

SPEAKER_01:

It was weird and fun. It was more weird in concept than it was when it actually rolled out. And I think the fact that it was more on the nose, what's the word, philosophical, or or neither of them are particularly religious. I think they believe they have faith and they have spirituality, but I don't think they're particularly religious. And that led me to kind of go up there and just write something that was more knowing them the way I know them. It was pretty easy to uh from our it's almost from our conversations here that it's just an evolution of a lot of the conversations we have here on a Saturday or driving down the road.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What's meaningful in life?

SPEAKER_01:

Expression, sort of the theme of it. In a Lord of the Rings Easter egg, I hid in there.

SPEAKER_03:

And who discovered it?

SPEAKER_01:

My brother.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

He's the only one, I think, in the whole place. I had to I really thought it I thought it was on the nose. Um top of like token lore, but uh only my nerd brother picked it up.

SPEAKER_03:

Tell tell everyone.

SPEAKER_01:

What's that?

SPEAKER_03:

Tell everyone what it was.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll read it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a call to eight tease, honey. You know, we're in the first uh trying to see what we are. You can't get that's the first nine minutes. You gotta get them around for at least like 40 more minutes.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

New music. I couldn't find the old soundboard. It's either this one or this one. That's the one I used the other day with with Bella. Which one?

SPEAKER_03:

I like this one.

SPEAKER_01:

It felt it feels game show cheesy. If I ever want to like scat or freestyle rap, that's a little easier for me to allow me to. I mean, that gives me 30, 40 seconds in the future to go off on that riff if I'm feeling it.

SPEAKER_03:

You know, if that music were playing on the dance floor at the wedding, you know which couple would have gotten down on it.

SPEAKER_01:

Taylor and Leah.

SPEAKER_03:

They were amazing to watch.

SPEAKER_01:

I think they were so our daughter Taylor, her girlfriend Leah. I would actually go so far as I would hire them out as an icebreaker at any event anywhere. They were dancing. You know what they did? They did they dance as if no one was watching.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Except there were many people there were 99 people watching.

SPEAKER_01:

Isn't that the same?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like some old country thing. So okay, here we go. Let's officially get to the first question. Something like that. It'll be I'll start something like that. It'll be when we get down to it. All right, babe. Get me.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. This is from a new box called The and the Long Term Couples Edition.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

The Skin It's from the Skin Deep Company is what it's called. Okay. What's the most unexpected thing about being with me?

SPEAKER_01:

Past tense, current tense, I guess it's everything, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Or choose what you want to focus on.

SPEAKER_01:

I think the I'll try to wrap this all the way backwards. I think the most unexpected thing about being with you, as opposed to when I first met you, was when I first met you, I'm thinking of our first conversation at Essex Junction over in San Jose on my 20th, going into my 21st birthday. You were still 20. And times very fleeting at that point. Definitely was attracted. I think we talked about more of our current life at that point. You had just been a nanny. Um, I was getting ready to take off for Hawaii and life conversations like that, college, things like that. I mean, not not anything particularly heavier. And then you write letters a little bit and you get some photos, but you're still at that point. We're not in love at that point. We're not really talking, we're still kind of in that uh phase of where I I you're presenting yourself in a certain way, right? You're you're still kind of like uh dating each other in letters. We were doing it. Yes. And so there was a definitely was attracted, thought you were funny, but I still hadn't been kind of unlocked to, you know, the way you think about the world and things like that. So I guess the most surprising thing is we got to know each other more was that you were much more of a deep thinker about you were very different the way we see the universe, but you're very much a student of the world and psychology and people and things like that. And mostly just you have like this kind of I wouldn't call it a wanderlust so much, but it's somewhere along that line of like wanting to know more, to accumulate more knowledge, to always be learning. And I think it's manifests itself in different ways. Like early on, I think you were still very unconfident, and you kind of were still in the fresh burn of not doing well in college, finding your path, but you would dive into whatever was in front of you right then. So as we were first getting to know each other, it would be either getting a certification or it was a diet, or it was whatever you were doing at work was uh kind of you but I think that would be my the most surprising thing on the face of it, and this goes all the way back 35 years now, was there was just uh more there than met the eye in that first meeting, it kind of unveiled itself.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I can see that. Part of that is in many ways we not necessarily grew up together, but became adults together. And I think we really, as we got to know ourselves, we got to know each other in that new way.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I would say for me to answer this question about you in some ways it's similar. You came across as this big jock football player.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. And let's linger on that for a minute.

SPEAKER_03:

You're now uh squishy teddy bear. Not squishy. That's that's I mean hugging.

SPEAKER_01:

I never press record on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so that's not gonna make it in. Only the squishy teddy part didn't. All the rest did. The jock part was perfectly recorded.

SPEAKER_03:

I gotcha. By squishy teddy bear, I mean that you are very loving. Oh my that's so creepy. No, not like that. Sorry. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01:

Um expand on that a little bit. You are clearly let's let's just refresh the audience right now. So I walk across the room, glowing a little bit, shredded. Shredded like an athlete. A jock.

SPEAKER_03:

Frosted tips on your hair and your little mustache.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's all correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you have a gold chain?

unknown:

Probably.

SPEAKER_03:

You might have.

SPEAKER_01:

I was it was a gift. I think for some reason, I think the answer is yes. I feel like I got like a for the longest time it was in my grandpa or my mom and dad got me like a a little pendant. Um, not a confirmation, it was later than that. Was it for the Oh, you know what though, when I met you, it just went in a straight gold chain.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like uh Charles and I were going up and clubbing in Oakland at that point, and it was the button shirt with the gold chain outside of it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep, that's it.

SPEAKER_01:

I have a picture of that from Rome. All right, so let's go ahead and I'll just refresh for the fourth time right now. I'm floating towards you. Shredded.

SPEAKER_03:

With all your muscles.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. This is not true, by the way.

SPEAKER_03:

You were very muscly though.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, it's plain, it was just the end of the football career. So it was more muscly, but not like and unfortunately I never could get to that point where I was uh chanting Tatum.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't think it's it's hard to nobody can do that. That's like unrealistic.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, sorry, I'm gonna really interrupt I'm interrupting your question. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so I would say that, you know, even early on in our marriage, you were a lot more I don't know what the word is. Gender stereotypical, maybe.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. That's very fair.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And over time, um, you know, again, seeing the world, having experiences, living with a person, um having a daughter. Having two daughters.

SPEAKER_01:

The daughter's so fast though.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, you're right. It was I I mean, you really have changed in in how you see the world, I think.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't think it was I I honestly to be honest about that. I don't think if that particular category, staying on your question, is I don't think I saw the world, nor was I going to much. I was definitely in that world where I wanted to elevate. I had a high respect for women. Uh, you know, for whatever reason, I was like, you know, female-led bands and authors and whatever it was. I was drawn to the power of females, but I definitely was still on the other side, like you said. And it wasn't so much meeting you that started having me become this flag carrying what, you know, but Taylor being born, it was very much a the a moment, a tipping point of like, I need to advocate for her. I need to, you know, my mom even says sometimes, you know, they they were raised, they could be anything you want. It's just not all the way true.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not all the way true. You like to think that because you want to be the strong woman. Your mom's the same way where I think they did the best they could at the age they were in the 70s, let's say. So they have that sort of like I am woman kind of image of themselves. Yeah. But you look back on it, and it's no shade. Um, it was the evolving times of it. But in 1992, a daughter comes out, and the mood in the house is this, but it's a daughter, and you start thinking about your whole life with them. And I did, I think that was the day I became sort of like a feminist, yeah, you know, in a lot of ways. And I I think in a lot I was trying to find a path out so that Taylor could have um, you know, truly almost what my mom says sometimes, but I wanted her to have the confidence and the, you know, feeling of equity in the world. And I didn't know how I was going to do at that point because we were 22 or whatever. But I think it did it did change me. And then, you know.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I would say even when we landed on a name for her, that was the start of it. I remember explaining that I wanted her to have a name, and this is very dated because it's not really how it's done now. But if somebody were to look at her resume and see Taylor Upton not even know if she was male or female, so that wouldn't be a little bit more than that.

SPEAKER_01:

We talked about that a little bit. I think we talked about that with other than Ainsley, both of our first kids. And then Ainsley, we just went off the rails.

SPEAKER_05:

Totally.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, Bailey and Taylor, I think we decided we wanted to be gender-neutral, find their way. And um, it's kind of funny in a way when I think about it, because by doing that gender-neutral thing, this I've never thought of this.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Taylor, in a lot of ways, we gave her a general neutral name as a female, and her dynamics and her personality as far as the way she drove was more male.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

In in a weird way. And and I'm just saying, because there's this playing ground. Bailey, we gave a genderal neutral name, but as a boy, his sensitivities, his golden heart, all the things that make him so amazing, what he is. I think if you were blind testing it on a page of paper, he would there's more feminine qualities that would come out on a piece of paper. And I think I would pass, I think I would have that same test now. If you absolutely if you had that kind of board, and I think Bailey in a lot of ways, you know, I don't even know where I'm going with that, but it's interesting to me that we gave two kids gender-neutral names and one was a girl, and she drifted towards more what would be stereotypical male kind of personality traits in her younger age. That's where I'm just talking like the big category.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, just what where her interests were.

SPEAKER_01:

Toughness and sort of like competitiveness, sports, all that stuff. It's just if you did if you went on a piece of paper, you'd be like, that's probably a dude. Like by a little bit, just on and I don't even know the test that it would be. And on Bailey, ever day one, he was the kindest that was sweet. Nao machismo. No, none of that came through. It wasn't until like he was late teens, early twenties where he kind of started to find that edge. Like he found like more that kind of dude edge with his friends and things like that. But in the midst of it, and he kind of balances out with Kenzie now in his 20s and 30s, he sort of drifts back to being that kind of thoughtful, kind soul kind of thing. So it's interesting.

SPEAKER_03:

It is interesting. I think we also, just by the nature of the way we thought what was important in raising a kid, is we were really particular about not giving them gender-specific toys or gender-specific conversations with them. We just let them do what they wanted to do and let them lead what was important.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Our biases came through and we couldn't even nail them down, but you can't get away from it. But overall, um, as I see them in the world, see them at these weddings now and and see who their their partners are. Um, you know, we it's still unfinished business, but overall it's like, all right, you know. Let's see what time I think. We're I think we actually have to but while I'm p pulling up our our real life sponsors, we actually have some issues now because we joked around with it, uh, but now we have some. But it's like I think we tried in our last episodes to expand on it's not you and I talking to each other. Yeah. But that question, why would it be a good one in a high school relationship, first dates, things like that? I have my answer. Why do you think that would be a fundamental question to ask?

SPEAKER_03:

I think it's an opportunity to consider how people change over time and not to be afraid of change because change can be good. I mean, change is is a part of life. What would you say?

SPEAKER_01:

I think the uh my answer is I think what I'm thinking on that is I need to hear what the question was again.

SPEAKER_03:

What's the most unexpected thing about being within Okay, I got it.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it's a touchstone. I think it's a I think it'd be not a bad question. I because that's one is that I think we're 35 years together, 34 years. No, uh Phil got me on that one. 34 years together and 34 years married. We had that little joke at the wedding. But I think that's the first time that's been phrased in that exact time frame. But let's say that was something you remembered to kind of touch on every once in a while, you might not drift that far apart. Like if I think about friends that are going through divorces or friends that have been divorced, where let's say they get divorced at eight years or ten years or eleven years. What if over a date at three, four, let's say it let's say you got divorced at eight years? What if at five years on an anniversary or a date when things were starting to get a little gnarly and kind of get a little drift and you just kind of put the card across and says, What attracted you to me in the first place? Or what surprised me? Yeah. Or what surprised you about me in the first place? And maybe it's this little glimmer of something that you hadn't talked about in six or seven years. And I think you drift apart because you're not going to compliment each other. You're not going to necessarily throw that out. I mean, here we are 34 years. We're not just dropping compliments on each other every day.

SPEAKER_03:

No, we don't.

SPEAKER_01:

Not like that. We give encouragement.

SPEAKER_03:

We do.

SPEAKER_01:

But not in that form.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Not in that form, like, remember, it's one of the things I told you. I love about you. That's you know, it's the thing that kind of I think that's where it lands on me is um. Did you hear that?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I just think I hit it, but it's like a trombone.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, that's weird.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm fine out if I kind of patting myself on the head right now because I feel like it might come through the microphone. That was it. It's this, it's my headphone.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Can you hear that? No. Oh, it's in my brain. It's not good radio or podcasting at all. Um yeah, I think that if expanding on that question, I think that's where it could be helpful to any relationship. Touchstone.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Don't get too far away from it. So we have real sponsors now. And the big thing that's changed over the last seven months since we podcasted, other than us disappointing Venezuela, which now Stacey's apologized directly to them. I don't know if you even asked me what that was. The second one. It was a direct apology from you to the entire country of Venezuela.

SPEAKER_03:

And what did you say?

SPEAKER_01:

Brian is great.

unknown:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01:

But that that was it's probably not even it's it's gonna play well down there, this room. Not so funny now, but it's um that's that was your apology to an entire country. It's probably gonna work its way in the title of this episode.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh sheesh, of course it is.

SPEAKER_01:

But we have gotten real life changes in vibes, um, TV networks out there, magazines still doing the magazine, doing monthly retainers. Um, podcast management's gotten to be a thing. But in the midst of all this, these monthly retainers and the expansion of these relationships that's created real sponsors for our podcast and three or four of our other podcasts we manage. So we're gonna rotate them through. It could be Metro, uh Keontes, uh Golden State Warriors are coming up, uh Lolly, Parks and Rec. I'll forget one, but we'll rotate them through. And I think what we can do on these is one, it's gonna force us to podcast more. Because as much as we shit on broken tiles, you and I'll just say that. I'll beat it out. I'll put a duck in it or something. Hold on. I got this new board, it's so great. Why don't I even have it here? I feel like there should be like a little duck or something. Crickets. That's the saddest thing. The um, but we'll do Keontis first. You know, and Keontis is a sponsor, and they're with us now. And I think we're gonna kind of do a little, I'm gonna try to do a little bit of uh production here. Let's see if we can do this. Oh, we know that. Jack's back at Keontis every weekend. Crew's been putting in the hours, fine-tuning every detail to bring their version of Nightmare Before Christmas to life. It's weird, it's wonderful, it's pure Santa Cruz. Heart, humor, and a little Tim Burton. Pizza, pasta, and the best vibes downtown at Keonti's, 1100 Pacific Avenue, Santa Cruz, details at Keonti's.com.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice.

SPEAKER_01:

It was fun. I went down there last weekend and filmed the crew, I guess two weeks ago, before we left, but filmed the crew practicing their dance. It's spectacular. It's so much work they put into it. All everybody's dressed up. Jack Skeleton's there. Um, you know, all the characters from Nightmare Before Christmas, the meaningful ones, and they do their interpretation of that. And I think throwing dough. Throwing dough, dancing, choreographed, amazing for the kids. The lights are down.

SPEAKER_03:

So fun.

SPEAKER_01:

It's an incredible show. We should go down there and check it out.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, we should go tomorrow night.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I think they do it on the hour. I should be more aware of this. But check Keontis.com. It's Friday and Saturdays. I feel like they do two or three shows a night, like seven, eight, and nine, I feel like. And they and it's really a fun thing downtown. It's kind of an iconic thing in Santa Cruz because whether you know it or not, you might be coming out of a Catalyst concert or cruising around, and then you see all these lights go off in this restaurant, and sometimes it's just disco, right? Sometimes it's them doing their thing. This will be much more theatrical. But they put all the hard work, you know, Kelly and Tracy down there and Rochelle, they put so much work into this, the choreography, the music, it's spectacular. So that's Keonties, one of our sponsors, and it's Keontes.com, and check them out.

SPEAKER_03:

Check it out. It's it's really a blast.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's see if I could get us back here.

unknown:

Oops.

SPEAKER_01:

Question two, babe.

SPEAKER_03:

You ready?

SPEAKER_01:

What do you feel like having a real life sponsor? Never forget Branham. Pan Am.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I was gonna say it wasn't Branham.

SPEAKER_01:

It was Branham, the last two episodes. Oh, yeah. Remember Pan Am fired us because we took a year off because of your dizziness. And by Pan Am.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, here we go. This is a fill in the blank.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, wait for it. I want you to tell me when you can ask the question. You ready?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03:

I love you the most when goodness. My voice is high enough already.

SPEAKER_01:

Can you say the question one more time?

SPEAKER_03:

Fill in the plate.

SPEAKER_04:

I love you most.

SPEAKER_01:

I love you most when.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You could answer first because I went first last time.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh gosh, I I'm not ready. I love you most when. I love you most. Well, two things come to mind. One, our audience has heard many times. I love you most when you bring me coffee in the morning, because it's so easy to do. You can't use that one. I know. Um I love you.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, it shouldn't be this hard.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, there's lots of things. There's more than one.

SPEAKER_01:

That's pretty smooth.

SPEAKER_03:

So I think the one that comes to the top is when we are able to snuggle together, like when you're in a really happy, snuggly mood. It doesn't happen very often.

SPEAKER_01:

It used to happen all the time. At one point we're on a record pace for cuddles, but I think it doesn't happen a lot the last couple years with maybe it's vibes, maybe it's kind of being stretched, maybe it's bandwidth.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I've been going through a period of well-documented spinning um, you know, to the point of even for the first time taking something for it, and which has been good and awkward, you know, as far as I think whatever inhibitor I'm on, but it's different. It's I think talking to somebody about it today, it's easier for me to talk about it than kind of to like hope it works out because you find out how many people are trying to get through it. But it's I took it to get rid of the constant spinning in my head, not necessarily this depression, but by taking it, I felt more towards depression and nothingness. But I do still think like it's easier to work back from that than spinning all the time.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_03:

You can't think when you're spinning all the time. You can't get anything straight.

SPEAKER_01:

But I think you've suffered the consequences of of that the last two and a half years in a lot of ways. If I can't, you know, turn it off, it's fitful.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I just I feel like it's um the season, you know, this isn't gonna last forever. This is not how you've always been. This is just right now and it's temporary.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and it's the sleep that I think the the lack of sleep, which was always my superpower.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Through anything we've gone through, I was always able to kind of knock out eight, nine hours of sleep and uh turn it off and then wake up and at least have that banked. But by losing the sleep, I think that kind of caused me to have to kind of reach out and get a little bit of help with that. But it's it's a process right now, but I do feel um a little more clear headed. Um I just want it to be in longer stretches now, and that'll bring the cuddling back.

SPEAKER_03:

That'd be nice. So the question was uh fill in the blank.

SPEAKER_01:

I love you most when um I think I well when even as far as we go on this show, I won't say it on air. I love you most when it's almost on tune with what I just said there. Is one. when you have the ability to have the patience to pull me out of that. I think that's when, you know, those moments because I think in other relationships or other lives, like I don't know if sometimes the patience would be there, but I think when it's all said and done, you know, it's really nice to kind of like be able to maybe bottom out a little bit. Be I guess I'm not the most vulnerable person, but I do kind of flame out. You know, as far as like energy, perspective, time. Is all I'm looking for is perspective, but it can go away pretty quick sometimes. And I think, you know, it's nice when you sort of have that something to hold on to a little bit. Feels like that.

SPEAKER_03:

We've never really talked about that before.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what the show's all about, baby.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, we're gonna do a review.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay. That's unexpected.

SPEAKER_00:

You ready for this?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, you know I was gonna see how long it takes you to dial in. What show is it?

SPEAKER_03:

K-pop demon hunters?

SPEAKER_00:

Nope.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh I don't know then.

SPEAKER_01:

That is Park in the bin singing the title track from Castaway Diva. Dream Us. Tell them what's been going on with this last year.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh we have done a deep dive into K-pop drama not drama. Rom comps.

SPEAKER_01:

Rom comps.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh, they're just delicious.

SPEAKER_01:

Castaway Diva is a K drama about Sei Moka, an aspiring singer who was stranded on a deserted island for 15 years after escaping an abusive father. Upon her rescue she is determined to fulfill her dream of becoming a singer, finds her idol, Yoon Ranju, and be and works to become a successful diva with the help of her childhood friend Kiho, who she was separated from during her escape. The series blends a tale of perseverance with the underlying themes of childhood trauma and the long lasting effects of abuse.

SPEAKER_03:

And it's so sweet.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, all these K traumas are 17 episodes. And they're about an hour and 20 minutes each good binging. Limited stakes euphoric happiness. Yeah exactly frozen kisses at the end of episodes with bubbles floating up it's so adorable. I just love them. And it's you know if anything in the muck of all the kind of like some of the darkness and now I'm talking politically not just like the things we were just talking about but the divisiveness the world we're living in it's been an awfully nice break. Now I've been on Korean cinema for a long time 15 years maybe but more along the lines of the drama andor revenge shows that they do very well Parasite is the penultimate of a director that does it and that's like the first I think entry three or four years ago that America really started paying attention and it elevated Korean cinema in America Parasite winning. But I was on that thing from like you know old boy and stuff like that all the way back. It's I think it was you were gone on a trip and I watched a uh revenge series and then it just recommended that to me for two years on Netflix and I said yes to every single one.

SPEAKER_03:

And I was not interested because they're pretty bloody and they're pretty violent. Yeah I don't I don't enjoy that too well.

SPEAKER_01:

What's your rating of it?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh. What's our scale again?

SPEAKER_01:

It's by tenths of a point one to ten a ten. A what? A ten.

SPEAKER_03:

I couldn't get enough of it.

SPEAKER_01:

People are gonna watch this now.

SPEAKER_03:

But you give it a ten I'm giving it a ten too well you have to be okay with reading subtitles.

SPEAKER_01:

But it slows you down.

SPEAKER_03:

But it slows you down. It makes you not look at your phone. I think that's another reason why I really am enjoying these K dramas because you have to pay attention and then you lose yourself and you actually relax.

SPEAKER_01:

All of our best shows are subtitled.

SPEAKER_03:

All of them.

SPEAKER_01:

Is it Karme? Yeah um on Apple and um I feel like there's another there's so many floating any one of our Norwegian um murder mysteries and things like that. I I'm obsessed with um the subtitles you have to stop you have to stop. It's very hard to you know especially with the compelling ones that have a lot of twists and turns yeah maybe not castaway diva or extraordinary attorney woo or hometown cha cha cha.

SPEAKER_03:

I can keep going we got all Extraordinary Attorney Woo that might even be better than Castaway Diva.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know it's a it's a it's a 50-50 for me because Castaway Diva was so ridiculously just bubbly and happy and crazy and this oh and then we watched hometown cha cha cha.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's also great.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm are we on three yeah we're doing pretty good though I don't even know what time frame we're on oh we're almost at 40 minutes we're doing our normal show I'm ready for paper.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. We have to think with this one we both do. Choose five words to describe my future that I don't dare imagine.

SPEAKER_01:

Whoa that's a huge question.

SPEAKER_03:

I know it's good for number three.

SPEAKER_01:

It is good for number three if I'm gonna play some bumper music to um get us through or even another I'll play another um commercial from our other sponsor real quick to get us through here and read the question one more time so I know it's choose five words to describe the I wonder if you have to describe my future that I don't dare Bennett surf and showstopper Ethel Merman always fly Branna Ethel Merman. Thanks for flying Branna folks when you got it flaunted always ask your travel each times have changed babe they like our girls that is a lot funny maybe we go back and forth instead of doing five in a row we'll try to rock out five doing it back and forth um that I can't imagine describe my future that I don't dare imagine and it's words? Yep five words painting relaxed yes give me that I can't imagine that I know can you imagine painting all day no I would love it. Because you love painting but that part of it I'll I'll use this word so you know where I'm going with it um because since it's one word I'll stay in the challenge stability Wow I love it yeah that's my second one active yeah I can I can see that and I can see it being unimaginable to me right now. So I'm on number three for you that you can't imagine. Close this is fun what do you think I mean by that? I don't know think about it a little bit close a future like close to retirement? Nope.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh I'm way off to the kids. Oh I love that.

SPEAKER_01:

It's hard to imagine yeah you know I mean I use that because we're using the singular words but that that's the word I have to use to kind of get to the conversation but gotcha you know I think you have this uh faraway dream of being close to the kids logistically for all the things going on and the more life goes on it seems like that becomes more and more improbable in a lot of ways. We'll work it out but it's it's it would be an unimaginable life where we would just you would be close to the kids right now. Maybe right now. Yeah I'm talking not as humans logistically logistically in um I want to say I can't figure out a word to express what I'm trying to convey well you have to remember you can you can do like this could be like that game we play where um you're doing like charades or something where maybe you do like I just did you come up with the word and I try to guess what you're getting at. Fluid fluid fluid are you talking about motion? No lubricated? Oh then we're back to stability. Yeah because that's kind of what I meant with stability. We didn't expand on that I was talking financial stability in retirement. I was going way down the road with it. Yeah this I should have a similar yeah I was thinking about this this question in the in the terms of like I can't imagine that could be tomorrow but I I for some reason I framed this all into retirement for some reason I put I put most of this out there so I was I was wrong oh fluid with money yeah and I think that's the whole goal is we meet with our you know shout out James Blizzak, America Prize Financial, he's amazing and so is Lisa Rosano. Yeah they're doing a great job and they've got us in a good spot but it still is the world we live in is so um volatile. It is you know with with it's up and down and you kind of are always looking at is it going to be here is it going to be there and the the monkey in the middle is this fixed number no matter how well you do it's this fixed number and where does that fixed number fit is is that part of it. So fluid would be really nice. Yeah. All right am I down to the fifth one?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I think you're down to four.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't be I I can't rewind this tape right now I did I did you did stable or stability. Painting painting and close a lot I am kind of digging it. And so this is only four?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah this is number four.

SPEAKER_01:

Good lord a word that's your future that you can't imagine you don't dare to imagine you don't dare to imagine oh don't dare to imagine I would put for you singularity Wow I had the first three wrong this one I'll kind of get I'll go the last two and do I think I I I didn't mess it up it's still good content. I think you know talk about us I think I was going down the wrong not dare to imagine because you would dare to imagine being close to the kids but so I'll fix it with these last two singularity you merging and living forever or you know merging with our technology.

SPEAKER_03:

Dare to imagine for you grandfather and I know you dare to imagine that but I'm I can't think of a word to say like really involved every day with your grandkids.

SPEAKER_01:

So dare to imagine being a grandfather like to the expand on that a little like why wouldn't I dare to imagine that?

SPEAKER_03:

Well like I just said I I can't come up with a word to encapsulate like hands on grandfather regularly.

SPEAKER_01:

Right let me think the last one for you a world you can't dare to imagine the word I'm thinking of is that you couldn't dare to imagine in a future would be I know the word and I can't think of it right now. It's like this word about it's opposite of where we are united.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay tell me more a world united oh can you would you dare to wait what's the question again describe oh choose five words to describe my future that I don't dare imagine this thing I think we butchered this your future that you wouldn't dare to imagine you would dare to imagine the world getting along I'm gonna say a word for you okay mogul but I would dare to say that you would dare to dream that you would be a media mogul?

SPEAKER_01:

Because I know I could sell it if I if for some reason I got the word media mogul attached to vibes that means that somebody would come and buy it um but that's that's a fair answer. I don't think I would ever go down the the road daring to think that in that world.

SPEAKER_03:

There's not too many words that you would dare to think I mean I guess the word a dream you wouldn't dare describe my future that I don't dare imagine. Like we don't often imagine something bigger than what we think is doable.

SPEAKER_01:

That's how I'm thinking about it Oh yeah I guess I could say like princess or something. I don't you could it seems like it gets in that category that the daring to imagine something would fall in that category of um maybe it's more along the lines of um I don't we we don't dare we're our own worst c critics, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Like typically people don't imagine they're gonna do something really fabulous because we set limits on ourselves. But I know you well enough to really believe in your ability to be a media mogul. Oh I see that's that's how I'm thinking of it. I don't know if that makes sense to you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah that you wouldn't dare to imagine I think it's like breaking through that seal of of what you would think.

SPEAKER_03:

What you feel like you can achieve which you know we do put a lot of limits on ourselves. And it's nice to hear when somebody thinks that you can accomplish so much more maybe that's why this question Yeah because then my the first one of the first ones I came up with was like um sailing you would clearly dare to imagine that no I wouldn't well you do you want to get back on a paddleboard you want to s get on a boat.

SPEAKER_01:

And so that's where I get confused by this question is like it's like you wouldn't dare to imagine sailing.

SPEAKER_03:

I w I wouldn't I I mean when I think about uh going on a paddleboard that's a big achievement I might go on the Chardonnay the the little cruise I guess that is a sailboat but I wouldn't be sailing that I'd be on a ride Oh yeah you know what I'm saying? Yeah and that's for an two hours at the most yeah so sailing.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah that's that's my fifth one I'm done with this God that is the hardest one we ever did I don't even it was hard. I don't know if I can find a way out of that one. That's gonna be some of the craftiest edits of all time if we can work that out. Believe me if you're listening to this right now there's a chance that at the beginning of that question which said describe five things this could have been six days we took to answer that.

SPEAKER_03:

You won't know. I think we left the mics went out to dinner walked the dog went to Keanti's watched them throw dough and dance Jack's back babe this was great.

SPEAKER_01:

I think we got it all in sponsored by Santa Cruz Vibes Podcast Management.

SPEAKER_03:

We'll get into it more do we have the family music guessing game? Do you have that cued up or no?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god you're gonna have to kill some time here.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh jees how can you talk about um I don't know what can I talk about riff on something. I am not a riffer. I am somebody who likes to have things planned let me pull it up hold on one second I can ask another question. I just pulled it from another deck. Do that it's gonna take a bit okay what's one thing you would like to see happen in your life this year so between now and October of 2026 what do you want to see happen?

SPEAKER_01:

You get answer first because I'm looking for a playlist I would like to see in my life this year.

SPEAKER_03:

I want to see Ainsley on stage in New York. Hmm you might get New Jersey okay New Jersey will work. It's close to New York. I can't find it that's been so long since we podcasted okay well we will just let it go.

SPEAKER_01:

This thing really ended with a this really petered out at the end this podcast I think we don't have our legs underneath us we might we might drop a few follows after this one um I hope not no we'll do it on the more regular basis yeah we'll get that pulled up found again somewhere if we podcast every couple weeks that'll be easy to find yeah love you babe love you bye

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Brian & Stacey Upton

Co-host